Topic: the "funniest joke in the world"

Supposedly the funniest joke ever told

"A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: 'OK, now what?'"

and the second place winner

"Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. 'Watson, you idiot!' he says. 'Someone has stolen our tent' "

Is this believable? I think the second one is hilarious, better than the first anyway.

wasn't that first one used in Kotor exept it was mandalorians.

I'm not sure.

I love the second one.

I've heard the first one so many times... But it's still funny. :) The only difference was that the guys were "rednecks".

Second joke's great too.

The second one is great.

What do you call a smart blonde?: a golden retrever
What do you call a blonde with one brain cell?: gifted
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?:pregnant.

Yes, the first one was in KOTOR, and it was Mandalorians. It was told to Dashowe when you first meet her on Korriban.

This is all based on a series of jokes sent to an English instutition, supposedly a couple of jokes that qualify as humorous between both genders. The thinnest bit of blanket for everybody. It's one of those everybody can hear it and find it entertaining in some way. And if I believe all that someone has a bridge to sell me.

I've heard the first one before, the second one is what got me....it was great!!!   one to add to my collection...

                                                                           {MW}MS9

I think the second one is more of a universal joke for guys, gals, and people of all ages, mostly because everyone knows Sherlock Holmes. And it makes me laugh because the one time Watson tries to be super smart.... Its the simplicity Sherlock wanted. XD

Yea, I mean if you're from New Jeresy the joke won't be too universal, or a hunter I suppose

Hehe...Dave Barry wrote an article on that study. He was talking about the difference between men and women: women prefer the complexity and set-up of the joke and others like it. To a stereotypical Dave Barry man, it would be funnier if the punchline was:

"Watson, there's a weasel munching on my privates!"

Weasels are funny. Privates are funny. Dave Barry is funny. It's hilarity at its finest!

I've got his Travel guide, he's hilarious.

If those are the best I'd hate to see the worst...

Well, there's the chicken crossing the road, and what would you get if you crossed a ____ with a ____.
I think we've all heard some pretty bad ones.

Ok, best crossing road joke ever:

"Why'd the baby cross the road?"

"I don't know, why?"

"Because it was stapled to the chicken."

"Want to hear a dirty blond joke? a blond fell into the mud."

"Want to hear clean blond joke? She got into a bath with bubbles"

Want to hear an really dirty blond joke? Bubbles was her neighbor!"

LOL

the things you hear at summer camp....

-Boba Dude

I have heard the second one alot, but it is still funny.

Ok here's a British Joke.

An English guy, A french Guy and a really Sexy woman all get on a train.

And then the train goes under a tunnel and there's a kissing sound followed by a slap.

And they get off the train and the French guy thinks to himself.
"Le English Guy must 'ave tried to kiss le beautiful woman. And she thought it was me and slapped me...."

And the Woman thinks
"The French guy must have tried to kiss me and accidently kissed the English man. Who slapped him."

And the English guy thinks
"I made a kissing sound and slapped the French man"

If you don't get it then your not English enough...

Hm. 
What's pink, red, and spinning really fast? 
A baby in a blender!  Ahahahaha!

Ahem.    Here's a better one.
Three men are taking their final test to become Third Echelon agents.  They are brought outside an enclosed room with on door.  "Alright," The teacher says, "For your final test, you must show your willingness to obey every and any order given to you."  He hands the first guy a gun.  "Your wife is tied to a chair in that room.  You have to go in there and shoot her."  The first guy shakes his head and says, "No, you're insane, I'd never do that."  And walks away.  The teacher give the second guy the gun and the same instructions.  He gulps, and goes in.  After a few minutes of silence, he comes back out.  "I can't do it.  I just can't.  He says, and leaves.  "Well, it's just you, I guess,"  Says the teacher, and hands the last guy the gun.  He nods solemly and goes in.  The teacher hears some arguing, than lots of yelling, smashing, crashing, banging and thumping.  Finally the last man comes out, his nose bleeding, and his clothes torn.  "What the hell?"  He asks.  "The gun had blanks in it, so I had to smash her head open with the chair."

Classic.

If I didn't hate AIM acronyms, this would be a 'LMFAO' moment. I think I've heard something like that before, but I'd all but forgotten it until now. And the moral of the story is: Soldiers should just stay single.

Two peanuts were talking down the street. One was assaulted.

That's the only joke our school's biology teacher knows. We laugh hysterically everytime we hear it, and we're not sure why.

Q: Where did the cat go after getting it's tail pulled off?
A: A retail store.

:D I know it's bad.

2 stormtroopers walk into a bar, the thrid one ducks. lol, got that from http://www.starwarsdotcom.com/

:D I love that joke, and thanks for the link. ;) The joke is in the Humor > Jokes > One Liner. I think, anyway. Here's another (from my site) that I like:

How is duct tape like the Force?
It has a Light Side, a Dark Side, and it binds the galaxy together.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stalone are in an opera house for another movie
Arnold says: You be Beethovan, I'll be Bach

I use to love that joke...

Neither of those are classic
The first one is just horrid
and the second one is just really really dumb...

I've heard it as the husband tied to the chair, that makes a bit more sense I guess.
Anyway, I myself am a big fan of slapstick, or Abbott and Costello depending on how you look at it.
Groucho Marx's:
Ah Afirca Africa, land of the tom toms, the jungles. The first morning I was there I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. Suddenly we came upon a swell pool, I raised my weapon. I shot. It was the eight ball in the side pocket.

Well, then I guess you have no sense of humor.  You better watch your step, HB. There was no reason for you to insult my joke.  I didn't insult yours.  You really don't want to insult me.  Just ask True warrior, or Mandalorianspy9.

Is it just new members that bug you? You haven't gotten on anyone else's case from the old board like you have MandolorianSpy and True Warrior.
Sorry to get off topic, I'll just stay in the back ground about it from now on. Reminds me of Belton for the moment.

Here's one.

Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef!

Get it?
                              {MW} SF

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA thats a good one

he,he,he......good one spidey. I like a little chuckle every now and then.

                                                                          {MW} TW

I like a few babies in a blender from time to time too. Mmmmm, fiber.

Why is that funny? I couldn't control myself from laughing.

No, it's just the annoying ones.  Which happen to be all the new ones.  The older ones usually are respectable.

That is so mean!!!

Mean, yes.  Funny?  Definately.  Nothing like dead baby jokes.

Well, for the sake of everyone else, let's try to keep these clean.

I'm not sorry for insulting your joke....

BECAUSE YOUR BANNED YOU CAN'T DO DIDDLEY SQUAT TO ME!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!

I like the Marx brothers too....
Except the two that left, but they were never very funny....

Chico, Groucho and Harpo were the true funnys...

Have you seen any of their movies?
I've only seen a Night at the Opera so far.

"No more dead babies. Dead babies can't take care off themselves. Dead babies can't take things off the shelve."-- Alice Cooper's "Dead Babies"

I've seen a couple, a little while ago

Here's a funny joke that I heard once--just so you know, it ain't true, it's just told in first person.

My sister and I were walking along this path, and we came upon this huge sinkhole. It was pretty big(we couldn't see the bottom), so we decided to toss a rock in and see how long it took to hit the bottom. After scrounging around a bit, we came upon a decent-sized rock and tossed it into the hole. We waited for a few minutes, and we couldn't hear it hit the bottom, so we're thinking, "Man, this is one deep sinkhole!" so we decided to roll in a boulder. After much grumbling, sweating, and various insults tossed back and forth, we managed to find and push a rather large boulder over the lip of the sinkhole. It quickly gained momentum and tumbled into the hole, and we began to wait... and wait... And wait... After several minutes went by, we were scratching our heads and thinking, "Oh boy, this is the deepest sinkhole EVER!" and being the geniuses that we are, decided to throw in a log. So we went in the woods and found a log and HEAVED it into the sinkhole. Just as the log disappeared into the hole, this goat comes flying out of the woods and jumps into the sinkhole. My sister and I kinda looked at each other, both of us thinking that that poor goat's elevator certainly did  not go to the top.
Well a bit later, my sister and I are hovered over the sinkhole, trying to hear if ANYTHING is hitting the bottom, when this guy walks up. After we traded hellos, he asked if we'd seen his goat. I kinda looked at my sister and said, "Oh yeah! We saw your goat. A few minutes ago he came running out of the woods and jumped into this sinkhole." The guy kinda looked at me and shook his head and says, "Oh no, that can't be my goat. My goat was chained to a log."

Thats not my kinda joke.....

But its still funny......... :)

Thats funny!!

I dont get it. WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE SINKHOLE? :/

                                                                                                 {MW} TW

They tossed a log inside, and then a goat runs up and dives in. The goat was attached to the log they threw in.

*sniff* That poor log....

You just love having them gone don't you?
ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IAM BOUNTY HUNTER NOW
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!