Bf/Gf (Page 44 of 48)

Hey Terra
wow, it's been way to long.  I'm alright, just graduated high school and moving out into the big bad world   Hope all is well with you.

(Not wanting to spam or anything) Anyone know how to get rid of an annoying ex?  The guy just won't leave me alone...

Rather than quote all of that, lets just pretend I did cause it would take a lot of room.

Ok, so first, I think the art and school thing is so cool!  It's funny that you mention the video game stuff because I'll be attending school in august to start my degree in game art and animation!!  Hopefully I can create a Fett game (I'm sure tons of fans would love that)  I really hope things work out for you and your an awesome artist

Back to the bf issue, unfortunatly I met up with said ex a few days ago because he said he wanted "closure".  I guess I didn't realize he meant that he really wanted to try and get back together...  So I dunno, I probably should have posted before I agreed to meet up with him.  Anyhow, I'm trying to just not talk to him, but I feel so bad because I really hate to hurt boy's feelings.  And you are so right in saying that they feel worthless and horrible cause he is constantly pulling that self pitty thing on me which just makes me feel worse.  I dunno, I wish I could find him someone else because I'm sure there are better girls for him but he has that whole idea in his head that I'm like the only girl on the planet... Whatever happened to that guy saying about plenty of fish in the sea?  Sorry, I'm ranting, but someone needs to knock some sense in to him...

Thanks terra for listening and whoever else can give me some advise!

(BTW is the chat room not working or is it just me? thnx)

Hey again CA, thanks for being happy for me, and for still esteeming my as artist. I still remember how good you are as well! I am glad for you about the game art and animation!! Maybe at some point we can exchange a few tricks??

As for relationship stuff, although you asked for other people's views, I wanna speak again. Sorry if I tend to be long to read, lol. Can't help it, would love to help you, and I've read so many relationship-related books in the last few years, I like to think I learned a thing or two that I could share.

Your ex is acting really weird lately isn't he?

Here I agree with Miba about the "avoid contact 100%", but I can't agree with her on the "just crazy" bit, as getting dumped is not as simple as it might appear. If someone gets dumped and never deal with their emotions properly they might very well get stuck with these emotions for life. Doensn't mean they're crazy, just that they've never had the proper tools/knowledge to help themselves. Or never realized how "not moving on" was bad for them.

CA, I don't want to blame you in any way, ok? I just want to inform you of a few things. I've talked to several hundreds of people who recently got dumped and everyone goes through it the same way, so I wanna share what I see in this. Please don't take it the wrong way, ok? It is not what I am trying to do. Thanks.

The way your ex speaks to you is not self-pity, he is really depressed and feeling like a piece of dung at the moment. Getting dumped made him feel like he is vomit. Now he hates himself. It is a normal phase of a breakup. There is nothing you can do about this, it has to pass. It is his to deal with. The only bit where you can help is by Not Contacting him at all, and by doing this persistantly for several months.

As for "wanting closure", I think he does wants that. And he also wants you. He has both feelings inside him and it is unbearable. Right now he is having a constant fight inside. "I want her back" against "I want to break free from loving her since it's over".

CA, go away from him. Stop all contacts completely. As long as you two are in contact, it keeps him in the illusion that there's still the same bond as before. He won't be able to break free from the dead relationship. He is stuck with it, like tied to it by his heart and guts.

The only reason he wants so intensely to get back together, is that he desperately wants to stop his actual pain. And validate the fact that he is not the worst person in the world.

In his head, I think it is clear that it's over, but the message didn't get to his primal self (Freud, anyone?), and this is what keeps him so stuck to you. The only mean to speak to that part of him, is by repetition.

Keep being 100% off and silent. Do not feed him any attention at all, not even bad attention (no anger either). What he needs from you is INDIFFERENCE, if you want him to move on. CA = silence, absence, zero attention. Constance and repetition. You have to have the same response, no matter what he does or says. Even if it is extreme.

If you think the breakup sent him in a depression so deep that he might attempt to his life, call one of his friends or family and let them deal with that. Don't show up, and don't let them tell him it was your idea, else he might be tempted to do it again just to get bits of your attention. Then he might succeed and kill himself. And you would never forgive that to yourself. You need to make sure this doesn't happen, for the sake your own self-love. Breakups can make people that desperate that they might really want to go. But he won't do it if someone who cares about him takes care of him. It only takes one person at the right moment to save him from that. It just must not be you.

Meeting up with him was indeed a bad idea and something you will have to force yourself against from now on and maybe for as long as a year.

Being dumped creates a very hurtful void in a person. That's not your fault, but it still happens. Your ex has to learn to fill that void again. That takes work on oneself, and time alone. That's not your problem. It's his.

As for finding him another girl, he won't really want anyone else as long as he isn't disconnected from you. And if you do things to make him angry, it might have the opposite effect as anger is attention. It might make him pursue you more.

Ok CA, another wall of text, lol. Bear with me. The main idea is: CUT ALL CONTACTS completely for many months and keep to it. It'll do the job.

Take care girl x

I think when I chose the word crazy I chose wrongly, and I am sorry.

It's true about feeling like crap after getting dumped; I know I did after my previous two relationships failed. However, I didn't make any attempts to get back with my ex's. With me, I was too upset to even want anything to do with either of them.

As for my current love life.... I don't want to say much, but, I'm actually falling for another guy right now. But, I still love my current boyfriend a lot. I'm completely torn. =/ *sighs* It's going to take a long time for me to figure this out, because I want to make what (I hope) is the right decision. Because right now, I'm not so sure I made the right one seven years ago. Aww, I'm so confused....

Seven years ago, almost to the date (sometime next month), I was fifteen. For all of this, please keep in mind this is entirely internet based. Basically, I had two crushes, for the sake of simplicity lets call them....Crush C and Crush D (more interisting then A and B lol). Anyways, Crush D came forward and said he had a crush on me and asked if I would like to become his girlfriend. I didn't see any reason to say no, so I agreed. About two weeks later or so, Crush C came forward and said that he had a crush on me! Shocked and confused, I asked for a day or two to think about this, which he granted me. I think long and hard about it and ultimately decide to stay with Crush D, it coming down to the fact that he simply asked first. I explain this to Crush C, who, although dejected, agrees that we can continue to be (best) friends, and also tells me he will always love me.

Moving ahead to last month. C and I remained friends all of this time, basically being eachothers best friends. Now, I had a (noticable) crush on C every once in a while, but I never thought it as much of anything. Just a harmless crush. However, shortly after the semester ended last month, my crush on C suddenly exploded. And pretty much every day more and more we were learning that, in addition to our major common interests that lead us to becoming best friends, we have a lot of smaller, random, common thoughts, ideas, and coincidences (to the point where everytime we find another one [pretty much every day] we joke to "add it to the list"). I began thinking of him a lot more as well.

I don't know if it was the right decision or not, but a little more then three weeks ago I got up the courage to tell him that I, in fact, have a crush on him. C, although thoroughly shocked, admits he still does, in fact, have feelings for me. Both of us agreed to continue to be best friends for the moment, as both of us are in relationships, and don't want to do anything rash.

Yeah, I can't believe I said all that. But that's pretty much the whole story. And why I'm torn. And feel unsure about making the right decision seven years ago.

Could it be because he's a friend who's a guy? And being such a close friend it has you confused?
How is his relationship with the woman he's with? Is it similar to yours, or does he really like her? In other words do you consider it cheating for him to like you? Remember, you're also someone who's in a relationship eying someone else. Not to say it's bad of you to do this, especially considering the situation.

And, Terra, that would be neat to have a therapist friend. I don't think I could though, I tend to weasel and lie a lot and they'd probably be able to see through it which would annoy me. But if you ever had any questions, they'd be right there.

To Terra:  Haha, it's actually the same exact computer I have now, one awesome 15inch mac book pro (best computers ever!).  The only difference is the one I'll be getting for school comes with all the latest adobe software and if the school can finally make a deal, Maya! And thanks for the potential comment, I'm working on it   The teachers all seemed really nice when I made a campus trip so I'm thinking it's going to be an awesome experience.

Back to the topic on hang, Cecillia, I had the same exact situation a couple years ago.  My friend asked me out then two days later my major crush/friend asked me out.  I told him no because the first guy had already asked so it wouldn't be fair.  In the end, things didn't work out with the first guy and by that time, the second guy was already seeing someone else.  Life is funny like that.  Just go with your gut, but don't mistake puppy love/crushing for true love.  They are two way different things.

CA

Well, this Brandon you speak of, he's here now, and he doesn't care who knows it...

He's been through hell and back to keep himself alive, and has been struggling for his own happiness for almost his whole life, because people kept taking it away.

And whether it be Boyfriend, Best Friend, or even Just A Friend, he isn't going to forget about you and leave your side... He has had too many friends do the same thing to him, and so many bad relationships due to others not listening and expecting him to listen one sided, and even after all that and this, he trusts you, because you helped him realize something that has been killing all the pain and drama in his life, that he has a worth, and he is also human...

That GF you were talking about btw, she was making stories about going somewhere and he believed them like an idiot, and then on July 4th, she said she got back from those places, and broke up with him randomly, this is why he tried not to make it serious, because he figured something like this would happen and waited, and instead of keeping a secret to the bitter end like any other guy who had something like this going on in their life, he came to you because he believed you were special and he told you way before his GF randomly dumped him, because he expected it to happen, due to it happening the same way so many times before

Finally, he always hated his first name, but unlike everyone else he knew, he didn't mind you calling him by that name, because he not only trusted you, he wanted to let you know, you always have somebody, and no matter how much you hate them or love them, they will be there for you...

And with that being said, he will now bid you a friendly adièu, and hopes that you will be happier next time he sees you

I plan to tease you properly too

Anyways, you're gonna have to step it up a notch to keep up with me now, I have my energy back

She found one person who isn't going to ditch her, no matter what