RPG: Zombie Spiders Attack! (Page 2 of 2)

U.N.S.C. Colorado H.Q.
___

"Ladies! Front and center on the double!"
"F#(%."
"Yes Sir!"

"Hurry up ladies, this ain't no ice cream social."
"Ice cream social?"
"Stop the shitty talk you two...does anyone...want to guess...why I gathered you two here...today...?"
"Is it because I win a contract? And I get a billion dollars?"
"That's exactly it Rymann. Bill Gates called. You won. Turns out you're the best one here. We're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here, IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!!!"
"I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir."
"Goddamnit Rymann! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!"
"Ohho, I'd do it too."
"I know you would Simmons, good man...Couple of things today ladies, we received our first part of the shipment from command. Lopez, bring up the vehicle..." The new 'addition' coasted up the ramp and stopped in front of the three.
"Shotgun."
"Shotgun...F#(%."
"May I introduce, our new light reconnaissance vehicle. It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M-Twelve L-R-V...I like to call it the Warthog."
"Why Warthog sir?"
"Because M-Twelve LRV is to hard to say in conversation, son."
"No but...why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig."
"Say that again?"
"I think it looks more like a Puma."
"What in Sam Hell is a Puma?"
"Uh...you mean like the shoe company?"
"No. Like a Puma. It's a big cat. Like a Lion."
"You're making that up."
"I'm telling you, it's a real animal!"
"Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal."
"Yes sir!"
"Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal...has tusks...?"
"A Walrus."
"Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!"
___

"Whoa? What's that?"
"I dunno. Looks like Sarge ordered a new vehicle."
"What kind is it?"
"...I dunno. I've never seen a car like that before, looks like a...big cat of some kind..."
"...What, like a Puma?"
"Yeah man, there you go."
___

"-so unless anybody has any more mythical creatures to suggest for the name of the new vehicle, we're gonna stick with...the Warthog. How about it Grif?"
"No sir. No more suggestions..."
"Are you sure? How bout Bigfoot?"
"It's okay."
"Unicorn?"
"No really...I'm cool."
"Sasquatch?"
"Leprechaun?"
"Hey, he doesn't need any help, man."
"Phoenix?"
"Oh God..." Rymann sighed as he climbed into the Warthog. Shaking his head, he drove out. Moose City was about 40 miles from the base, he had heard there was work there, and that's where he was going.

It had taken Neva about 10 minutes to work her way down four flights of stairs and seven corridors before she made it to the side entrance of the mansion. The gun toting oaf was standing outside doing something. Neva just hoped he wasn’t taking a leak.

“Hey you!” She shouted as she pointed an accusing finger at him. He turned to look at her with his guns held high. “Yeah I’m talking to you. You’re destroying God’s creations. How dare you! The tranquillity is broken in this beautiful place.”

Neva didn’t mention the fact that the old mansion was an eyesore that was practically ready to be condemned, she had a point to make. “Now if you want to go shoot something visit a shooting range or better yet the Mayor’s office.”

The large man looked at her dumbfounded. “Now go, before I have to escort you back myself,” Neva told.

A high pitched scream sounded. “Man that noise is getting annoying,” Neva said then blinked, “Was that a scream?”

Mark Fired his shotgun at the greenish browny insect. It got him by the neck.......

He screamed..........

He stabbed the insect with his long knife. It sqealed and exploded , sending bits of greeny yellowly gunge everywhere!

Mark cursed and headed back to Moose City, to tell the Mayor..........

Neva shrugged, "I dunno. I thought I was alone. Well except for the vermin."

Neva's phone churped with a message tone. She immediately reached for it but Degredoth interupted.

"There is no time for such folly, let us go and seek out the one who made such a noise." Degredoth stated.

"They're probably dead, they haven't screamed for a full 20 seconds," Neva replied back Degredoth was already cutting a path through the woods.

Neva crossed herself and followed.

Deg sweeped through the woods with the ferocity of an insane barbarian warrior. Anything caugth in the way of his oversized machete was instantly vaporized. The air itself seemed to by sliced and diced as Deg would swing a mighty arc with the machete. With each swing he let out a growl or a roar that made a lion's seem like a kitten's...

"Is all this really necessary?" the nun asked Deg, noticing the massive amounts of sap now dripping from the machete and coating Deg's bare chest.

"CERTAINLY! We must make HASTE! For some innocent citizen is in dire need of my assistance!" Deg said without stopping the massacre. The nun was shocked and bewildered at the...craziness...of this man.

"....Who ARE you?" The nun asked unsuspectantly.

Deg stopped moving instantly, but just for a moment. He gripped his machete tight and cleaved a full grown tree beside him with one swing. He dropped the machete and grabbed the falling log. He faced the nun and roared with all his might and snapped the log like it was a pencil.

"FEAR NOT FAIR MAIDEN FOR I AM DEGREDOTH! DIVINE CRUSADER AND HOLY WARRIOR! I HAVE BEEN SENT BY THE GODS THEMSELVES TO RID YOU OF THE DENIZENS THAT INFEST YOUR HUMBLE ABODE! ALL EVIL WILL CRUMBLE AND FALL BENEATH MY MIGHT!"

Deg finished, still in a dramatic stance. The four massive machine guns slung on his shoulder clattered amongst themselves. Dark red sap dripped slowly from his combat helmet. Saliva trickled down the corner of his mouth and chin. The nun stood wide-eyed in disbelief. There was complete silence, all the woodland critters had fled or were silenced my Deg's announcement. Deg said nothing and grabbed his machete. He turned and continued his destructive path through the forest.

( Who's the mayor? Is anyone seeing me or talking to me in the story!!?? )

Mark went into the wood again.....

He picked out his knife. It was actually both a knife, AND a throwing knife. He had killed 4 people with it, so it must be good. He took out his pistol, which was in his backpack. He also put some cheap $200 armour on.

It was 4 inches deep. It must be okay for the meantime...............

((Sorry if I'm a little late, this won't last long though ))

Character Name: Leeroy James Jenkins
Occupation:  Ninja Puller
WOC: Blackhand Doomsaw
Personality:  Over-cockysuicidalmaniacalidiot
Appearance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N6sqdrJzVo
((Watch this video and you'll be amazed beyond belief))

Jenkins looked around the street of Moose City.  It seemed to be deserted, be that was only to the naked eye.  His cell phone started to ring...
"Hello?"
"Hey man, hows it going?"
"....ok, you?"
"Yeah, uh, me and the guys are planning to attack this giant spider-like thing in the middle of town.... you wanna come?"
"Uh....sure."
He hung up and took a taxi towards the middle of town.  A few minutes later, he arrived at what looked to be a full, 40-man group preparing to raid an immense greenish brown thing with 8 legs.  He walked over to the group just in time to hear.....
" Ok guys, uh this spider has given us a lot of trouble in the past, uh, does does anyone need anything from this guy or can we just by-pass him?"
" Leeroy needs those Devout.....Devout shoulders?"
"Yeah, would probably help out his healing."
" Hey Abdul, could you uh, could you give me a number crunch real quick?"
The man he was talking to pulled out a calculator and started punching in numbers.
"....Yeah, I'm coming up with 32.33....repeating of course, percentage of survival."
"Aw yeah, that a lot better than we usually do..."
Jenkins soon became impatient with the groups bickering, and decided to throw in a little twist to their attack....
" ALRIGHT TIMES UP GUYS, LETS DO THIS..... LLLLEEEEEERRRRRROOOOOYYYYY  JJJJEEEEEENKKKKKKKIIIIINNSSSSSS!!!!!!!!"
And with that, Jenkins hurdled over a badly designed crushed car, and rushed over to the enormous spider being, Blackhand Doomsaw swinging wildly.  He soon heard the rushing of the group someone saying" O-Ok guys! Stick to the plan, stick to the plan!", and kept slashing and thrusting at one of its legs.  It then turned its head and spun a web which hit Leeroy right on, making him explode with really visible fake blood spewing everywhere.....the rest of the group wiped out too.

((Like it?))

((Um Kaster, have you read the other posts? The spiders are mutated with humans so they're not really giant. They're also zombies so there's the typical ways to kill them: decapitation, destruction of the brain, body fully destroyed by fire etc. There's going to be an extra one thrown in but it's secret so far. At the moment the Zombie Spiders are only in the mountains. That will change sooner or later though.))

Neva didn't know what to say but "Psychopath" came to mind. She decided to say a few Hail Mary's under her breath and continue on. The first chance she got to losing Deg the better. Besides she had to contact Lazarus to let him know that things were no longer contained.

At that moment her phone rang with the tune to the Brady Bunch blaring. She blushed as Deg threw a glare at her and she opened her flip phone to answer. She hesitated as she saw that it was Constance that was trying to call again. She couldn't let her sister get involved with the folly so she hung up without answering.

-

Constance growled, "She hung up! So she must be alive."

Chuck shrugged, "Anyone could have her phone, punk, mugger, killer, rap-"

"Okay just shut up, Chuckie." Constance snapped.

Chuck stood to his full height, "Don't call me Chuckie, nobody calls me Chuckie except..."

Flash Back:

The white sand sank between Chuck's toes as he walked hand-in-hand with his beautiful bride, Gertrude. Chuck still couldn't believe that they'd been together for a whole three weeks. It was the longest relationship of his life and he intended to make it as long as possible.

Gertrude smiled up at him with her three good teeth showing. She'd been brawling since she was twelve and that was what appealed to Chuck the most.

That night they'd made love on the beach and planned never to do it again after the sand got into places that sand should just not go.

That night as they'd consumated their marriage Gertrude had called him Chuckie in her passionate cries. But that was before the accident.

Chuck blinked, "There was only one person who called me Chuckie and she was tragically run over by Mr Whippy's ice cream van."

"That's... terrible." Constance replied, not exactly sure if she could be sincere.

"I just can't look at an ice cream without breaking down. Gertrude meant more to me than my ability to conjure up pepperoni pizzas." Chuck said as he looked out the window.

"Er, okay. So how long were you guys together for?" Constance replied feeling very awkward.

"Seven wonderful weeks." Chuck told, "It was the best long term relationship I've ever been in."

"Okay then, I'm going to go look for my sister and leave you to do, ah whatever it is you need to do." Constance told as she hastily made a bee line for the exit.

((Not a prob, just thought I'd give you an update))