Topic: My SW novel..(no comments on that!)

I decided to write a novel.A book like Traviss or Barnes.Well here is the beggining.I want you to comment each time so I can get better. :) Here is the beggining...:

                                  STAR WARS:THE EVIL RETURNS

THERE IS UNREST IN THE NEW REPUBLIC.LUKE SKYWALKER,NOW THE HEAD OF THE JEDI COUNCIL OF THE NEW REPUBLIC 

HAS ORDERED AN INVESTIGATION DUE TO A VERY BAD FEELING CONCERNING THE DARK SIDE OF THE FORCE.

JEDI WATCHMEN HAVE BEEN DISPATCHED ALL OVER THE GALAXY TO INVESTIGATE THIS UPCOMING THREAT.

MEANWHILE,KYLE KATARN WITH HIS NEW PADAWAN BILL DEGARD ARE ON THEIR WAY TO ONE OF THE MILLIONS OF

PLANETS TO INVESTIGATE.....

Kyle and Bill were in a new republic transport/freighter,on their way to a remote planet at the fringes of the space."Master,what are we going to do on this planet?Cathar has been forgotten even by the Force!"Kyle looked at him seriously:"Don't ever say that again Bill!The Force is something that cares for everyone.It makes no exceptions.If it did,the Sith wouldn't exist..."Bill mourmoured:"Or the Jedi..."Kyle said:"I heard that!You young kids don't understand anything these days!I can't believe that Force sensitives could be so stupid!"Bill shook his head.Why,in all 5.000 Padawans,he was the one assigned under the guidance of Kyle Katarn?Kyle was not like the other Masters not at all.Actually,without his robes he seemed like a smuggler who had killed a Jedi and took his lightsaber.His ways  were just so...Unprofessional.He showed no respect for his students,and he gave guidance like this:"When you see someone pointing you with a blaster,disarm him."When Bill asked how,Kyle seriously answered:"Cut his hand."Yet he was one of the best friends of the Headmaster Luke Skywalker.He may had unprofessional ways,but he always got the job done.

Good start, I'd like too see more of it.

My first problem is, I thought that Kyle was an easy going guy wouldn't figure him to snap at a student like that. But it's your story, so you can do with the characters what you will.

Second, if you could please put a space after periods, commas, exlamation points, ect. It just makes it soo much easier to read.

If that helps... :) As for Kyle,anyone who has played Jedi Academy knows that he doesn't act like ordinary Jedi..So because they don't state what exactly he is,I gave him a character that seems funny and serious at the same time. :)

Actually Jedi Academy made me think of how he acts, informal, friendly, not one to yell at a padawan. But like I said it's your story and your characters.

Well I didn't mean him to yell just show that he doesn't care so much for the rules.. ;) In a good way...

Here is my next part: :)

"Look Bill,I know that you don't think I'm like the other Jedi and it's true.I'm just more...practical. "Bill looked at his Master: "I must be practical too Master? "Kyle smiled: "Everyone is practical in his own way..And call me Kyle. "Bill smiled too. Maybe his Master wasn't so bad after all...:"We will be landing on Cathar in 5 minutes.Better get ready Bill."Bill stood up and said:"Yes Mast..Kyle." Bill went at the back of the transport and wore his robes.Then he took his lightsaber and placed it on his belt.Kyle wore his robes too.After the formation of the new Republic,Luke had made Kyle wear the Jedi robes,stating that they are the trademark of the Jedi.To his surprise,Kyle felt very comfortable when he first wore his Jedi Master robes.The Lamda Class Transport landed on the Cathar capital.(The new Republic was recently in power so they hadn't time to construct new ships.Many were still using the vehicles of the remnants of the Empire.)The Cathar foreign minister came with an accompany to greet the Jedi:"We are very pleased to see you Master Katarn.And you,young Degard,we're sure you'l be a great Jedi one day.So tell me,what brings you on our homeworld?"Bill looked at the Cathar.He was male,about 5'9 feet tall and Bill hadn't seen his kind before.He was a cat-like humanoid with yellow cat eyes.They seemed very smart,at least this Minister in front of them.Kyle responded:"We have been sent here by the Leader of the Jedi Council,Luke Skywalker to investigate reports of the dark side"The Cathar said:"The dark side?You mean something like evil?Well you won't find any evil here.We told the same to the Jedi that came before you."Bill seemed skeptical:"Before us?Master,I thought that there was noone investigating this sector but us."Kyle shook his head:"Yes that's true..Minister how did they looked like?"The Miinister recalled the last visitors:"They were like you actually.They wore the same robes as you,with the only difference that they were black."Kyle was now worried,but tried to hide it:"And what did these...Jedi wanted?"The Cathar replied:"They wanted to buy our strongest power cell.I told him that it isn't for sale.They insisted,and when I told them to leave,they said something about coming back.They didn't seem so friendly for Jedi,to tell you the truth.""Kyle turned to Bill:"Come on,we have to go.Excuse us,but we must investigate."The Cathar smiled:"Of course.If you need anything,I'l be at the Ministar's office."Then he turned and left with his men:"Kyle,I think there aren't any Jedi robes coloured black..or am I mistaken?"asked Bill unsure.Kyle answered worried:"No you are right..We need to contact Luke.If it's as I think,we're in serious trouble.Let's go back to the ship."And so they did.

wow, your a great writer DMC! Really! :) Keep it up!!

TW

You may want to put a disclaimer on that in case an official who is more strict than me suddenly comes here. Good "writing" aswell.

Thanks! :)

Kyle went with Bill into their ship and opened the communication channel.Transmit to?asked the machine."Bespin,Jedi Academy."said Kyle clearly.A young Jedi appeared on the hologram:"You're speaking with the Jedi Academy.How may I help you?"Kyle smiled:"Hi Donna,we want to speak to Luke.It's urgent."Donna smiled too:"Connecting you now Master Katarn.Have a nice day."The holo of Donna dissapeared and after a few seconds the holo of Luke took place:"Hello Kyle.I was wondering when you'd show up.How are things going?You found something?"Kyle looked Bill and turned to Luke again.After explaining what had happened Luke said:"I had a bad feeling about this."Kyle said:"You always got a bad feeling.So what do you say?Could they be Sith?"Luke replied:"No,not Sith.The Sith were 2,and they are both destroyed.But I'm sure they were Dark Jedi."Bill seemed confused:"I'm sorry Master Luke,but what's the difference?"Luke smiled:"Here is a short explanation.After this you'l know the difference:Dark Jedi were not the same as the Sith, though the first group of them were the predecessors of the Dark Lords in the ancient Sith Empire. Despite the fact that both groups called upon the dark side of the Force, the Sith had their own codes and history, studied their own skills and techniques, and possessed secrets like Sith alchemy. Furthermore, the Order of the Sith Lords was limited to two members, a master and an apprentice, whereas Dark Jedi had no such limitations. Many dark side practitioners, such as Count Dooku, considered the power of a Dark Jedi to be nothing compared to the power of the Sith. Other individuals, like Darth Vader, practiced both Dark Jedi and Sith techniques. Apparently, a prime difference between Dark Jedi and Sith is that the Sith "lack fear"."Bill seemed amazed by the knowledge of the Headmaster:"I understand now Master.Thank you."Kyle cut them off:"I like chatting too,but we have a situation here.What shall we do?"Luke turned to Kyle:"Stay where you are.I'm dispatching 2 more Jedi to help you.They should be there tommorow."Luke was always helpfull:"Thanks Luke.I'l see you around.Bye."He ended the transmission saying:"Now the real fun begins"