Topic: Closed door reopens

Closed door reopens... or tries to.

Hi people. :)

I want your attention for a minute. Won't be long (not VERY long compared to the whole towers I usually type, lol), and won't mean much for most of you as you never knew much about me. I just tried something huge a minute ago, and, well, I need to share.

For my family and I, it's been complicated for quite a while. I don't even remember when it happened exactly, more or less 5 years ago. My family broke up. Over a stupid question of Xmas dinner we couldn't attend to because my 70 years old mom was tired and not feeling well. A big part of the family (including my brother David) then stopped talking to me and my kids, cold turkey.

Most of that part of my family had always been kind of toxic to me anyway, always criticizing me and my kids, like I was just a walking bag of flaws. So, well, I was OK with their desire to burn bridges. Except for my brother.

I have never had any conflict at all with him and I missed him terribly along the years. He's been steady to them, it's just like that. His wife and I don't get along very well, and he's not one to call and insist on people when things are bad. I guess. It's what I repeated myself along the years to keep a bit of my sanity about the fact that he was never calling. Myself, I avoided calling him because I didn't think his wife would let me have him on the phone.

Even now while I type this, I have a hard time keeping my eyes dry. Well, tonight (or rather very early this morning, lol) I made a move. I looked him up in Facebook and sent him a friend request, just saying "your sis, x".

I changed my looks alot along the years. Gained weight, lost some, got preggy, changed my hair color. I am not sure he will even know who I am from the Facebook picture. I am terrified that he will never reply, that he still has hard feelings towards me or something. I really hope not. He is the best cook in the whole world, heck I couldn't stand never having his spaghettis ever again! lol.

I been missing him terribly and I hope he did too. We used to have a very very tight connection together. Share books, movies, music, videogames... It's his fault if I am a tomboy, lol.

People, you think you could try and pray for me that he'll at least ask who this blond weirdo chick is? lol. I really, really hope he won't just delete the message without a second thought.

I had to share. (fist on heart, told you I was a tomboy) he matters to me. Whatever happens with this, I will let you know if you care.

Thanks for reading
x

It's terrible, siblings shouldn't hate eachother (I speak with experience there). I really, really, hope things work out between you two.

It's sort of strange he'd suddenly stop speaking to you when you got along so great before. If his wife hates you though, it's possible that she's, more or less, forcing him to not contact you. It's terrible, but it does sometimes happen. =/ I know its none of my business, but I wonder if their relationship is a healthy one?

Anyways, I hope everything works out, Terra. Good luck!

Hey Terra,
You've been such a good friend and person and I'm really sorry this is happening in your life.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I really hope everything turns out ok. 

Always here if you need to talk
CA :)

That's awful, I hope it gets better. I agree with Cecilia that it might be his wife keeping him from contact with you. Hopefully you guys can at least start talking online now! I'm sure if I got an invite somewhere from someone who signed it with sis or bro or whatever I'd at least look into it to see if it really was one of my brothers or sisters, so hopefully he will too.

I just put in a prayer for you :)

Hopefully all goes well, I mean, from what you told me it seems like he will be completely fine with you trying to reconnect with him. It's been 5 years, so if he was bitter, maybe he'll be over it by now and be happy to accept your friend request and eventually return to your guys's old happy relationship.

I've gone through fallouts with people before, ussualy brought on by myself, and eventually I just realize that I was wrong for ignoring them and just try to go back to normal. I don't know your brother, but if he's anything like me then hopefully it'll all work out :)

pretty sure he'll accept your request. probably start up the old fire again.

Hey people. You're really all very cool. Hugs to all of you! Thanks for the prayers. Thanks for being there for me. You make my day.

You were right too, I think it had been long enough to let the bad feelings go. I don't know for his wife but at least on his end. He accepted my friend request. He haven't said anything yet, but I plan on writing him a letter soon. Baby steps. I don't want to rush anything and risk that he feels overwhelmed if I go too fast. It's been a while.

I am glad that he accepted, really. I've been missing him since a long time now.

Thanks again all. You're great people :D
I will tell you if/how things develop later too. :)

I'm glad he accepted it!! That's great! Maybe he hasn't said anything yet because he doesn't want to say sorry, or maybe he's curious as to why you sent him a request now, or he might be just as unsure as you. But him accepting is definitely a good thing!

Yeah it's good that my brother is open to reconnect things again with me. I think you're right. He might be wondering indeed.

And I've been pretty lucky, he seems to go on his FB just once every few months, lol. His last friends comments were in January, lol. So I am lucky that he saw me so fast. It's just like your prayers sent him to go check his facebook, lol.

That's awesome that he accepted! I'm happy that you'll get a chance to go back to normal with him :)

Thanks Jumpy, it is sweet of you to say. I'll let you know how it goes from now. I don't know if it'll develop really fast since he is so not-often online from what I could see.

Stinks that he's not online often. It seems like he accepted your request at a perfect time - that has to be a sign of some sorts :)

Sounds like a plan

Good that you managed to get back into contact with him, especially if you guys were close like that, must've been really hard to just stop talking all of sudden but hopefully everything goes well and you guys can pick up where you left off

Thanks people, you're all really nice. I really appreciate that you care about this. Unfortunately the news aren't really good...

Got news, yes, but not from him, from the wife, their FB account is apparently a shared one. Wife replied with a long letter, telling me how glad (yes, glad) she is that my grandmother is heavily sick with Alzheimer, forgetting everything and basically near death. That harpy wrote a whole paragraph where she revels about that. When I've shown this to my eldest daughter, she couldn't believe what she was reading.

That woman is insane, if that's the kind of things my bro hears all day, I can fairly understand why he picked a job that keeps him out of the house 80% of the time. He's a on-call security agent and NEVER refuses a shift, no matter when. I am GLAD I am single and not stuck with someone like her (male versions exist I am sure, lol).

Her letter was so stupid. Hey it's been 5+ years?? Maybe if I write to David, my only brother, I want to talk to David himself and that's it?? The fact that she replied in place of my bro made me so furious, I've received this a couple weeks ago and I couldn't post about it. I just didn't want to think about it. Stupid control freak b*. I think my bro's still able to reply to his own messages if he wants to.

Hey, my grandma can't even remember her brothers and sisters now!!! I can't have a conversation with her anymore, and she's still alive. Not for long. Where is that a good thing??? And now this b* is happy because soon she won't have to share my bro's freetime with her!!! My bro's always been close to my grandma, she partially raised him.

Now I don't even know if my brother ever read my message, or how to get to him. If I say anything the wife dislikes, she might just never let me have at him at all.

Wish I knew how to tell her "Look, I was trying to talk to David, please." without sounding rude or having her shut me away from him. If I just say it like that, it will sound like I ignored her message, she might just make things even worse. Heck, she's been talking bad of me behind my back for the past 10 years that she's with my bro, part of why things split. Really doesn't take much for her to just... get berzerk about someone. Or rather berzerk, period.

Sorry, I had to finally vent. It's been a couple weeks, this rolls and rolls in my head... Thanks for being there, vods. Wish me luck to find a way around her...

Wow, that is...first of all, my condolences for your family, Terra. I can't even begin to imagine what you have gone through, and I am so sorry.

As for that woman.... ........The words I want to use, I cannot say, because this is a family board. She is bad news, though. No wonder he stopped talking to you; I -know- she forced him to. That relationship sounds very unhealthy. I know it's not my place to say this, but perhaps he might be better off if he divorced her.

Yeah. Thanks for your support. It's quite a Pandora's box.

When people talk about a successful life, with a marriage, your own house, a car, a job, etc. My bro and his harpy got all that. And I don't envy them one bit.

I got no crazy partner, no job taking most of my time awake, no neverending debts (got my student loan to repay, that's it)... my position might be a bit less close to the dream life, but I still think it is better. Watching people like them makes me think twice before matching with the first fool that comes like my bro did. Then you wonder how he could make it go for all these years, I guess some men can suffer forever in silence.

I think he's just happy that she decides everything in his place. I'd quickly choke in these conditions, but my brother is lazy to a sin extent. Lazy and attached to the material side of his life. It looks good on paper when you have everything they have, and I think he feels "important" that he "made it".

I didn't give up about talking to him again. I want to reply to her. She'll have to understand that my brother is *the* person I wish to reconnect with. You see, she's the kind to think a brother-sister bond isn't important, like far on a list of priorities. She thinks he should include her in this kind of things. If he does it's going to be all about her again and we won't be able to talk, him and me.

I really don't know how I'll deal with her. I'll let my subconscious work on it, eventually my intuition will "eureka" me.

Was sweet of you to pass and say something Cecilia. I hope the chat room is better soon so we can chat again one of these nights. Was fun. :)

That is terrible, that's beyond terrible. It's made me somewhat speechless, at a loss for what to say. Does he have his own email, maybe? Like does his account list two separate email addresses? Or does he have a work one? Or does he have an instant messenger of some sort to where if it shows him being online, if so you could friend him and he'd see it next time he was on he'd see it? Unless they share that too. That is sort of a tricky situation.

Everyone has their own dream, and that should be the one they follow. You don't have to have the house with two kids two cars etc if that's not what you want. I'm leaning more towards being a hermit in the middle of the woods myself. ;)

Wow, she sounds psycho.

I don't want to add flames to the fire or anything but if your brother loves your grandmother that much I'd find a way to see him face to face with a copy of that letter she sent you. It's a bold and intrusive move and I may have no clue what I'm even talking about since I've never been married or had a real brother or sister, but what if he doesn't know she feels this way? That just doesn't seem fair to me. I hate watching people get manipulated by lovers.

Even if my advice isn't the best route, don't give up! Praying for you both!

Hey there Miba

Hermitting in the middle of the woods sounds cool. :P

I'm pretty sure he doesn't have much space of his own. She's surely pretty much all over most of his stuff. I have no clue how I'll contact him without having to deal with her first. It's like not really possible, I'll HAVE to deal with her.

Hey there fairyblood

Thanks for the prayers, it is really kind of you.

You have no clue to what extent that woman is psycho. I remember one day, we had a family reunion and she was there. She got a phone call, her grandfather had just died. It was terrible, we all felt sad for her, but then she went hysterical and the first thing she did was to yell "I need to kill somebody". My 4 years old daughter was right there close to her, let's just say I grabbed my toddler quick and went out of that house. It's not that I didn't feel sad about her grandfather dying but having her wanting to kill someone? With my little one right there? Ugh...

Thanks for the suggestion. Would be great if things were any closer to normal. It's the kind of stuff that harpy is loud and proud about, he probably knows all about what she thinks since long.

She's rich and beautiful and it looks great on paper to be married. And it makes a guy feel important when he "made it" materially. Not sure how he can still be sane though.

That woman is really a big problem. And a big part of the reason why I've been away from that part of the family for so long. She's a real Pandora's box to deal with, completely.

I really appreciate that you try to help. It is kind of you. To tell you the truth, it makes me tired just thinking of her at this moment, lol.

Wow that doesn't sound like a very good relationship, does she like not trust him at all or something or is she just controlling (or both)? Anyways if you called does she always answer the phone first or something or maybe would it be possible to catch him when he's home or something? Heck how far are they would it be possible to just drop in sometime? Best of luck whatever you decide to do though

Thanks, really kind of you to come and post here.

Nah, she's not making it easy. If I were in his shoes, I'd have choked within the first year with her. But my bro had stuff chewed for him his life long. As long as he's got his tv shows, great food and shiny situation, he's happy.

I'm pretty sure if I tried to call, I'd have to talk to her. I don't think my bro answered a phone in his life. Besides maybe his cell, and even then.

I have no clue where they live, they moved not long before we stopped talking, but it's outside of town in the country and I don't have a car.
Not sure I want to go anyway, lol. She'd spread it long and large how big their house is, and everything they own. She's very much "look how great it is to have money".

I don't want to tie things back with her and get involved in all her messy crap. I just want to talk to my bro a bit. I am starting to think maybe it would be better to keep quiet and let it go, else I fear I'd have to start dealing with her again. :/

Not a problem at all. And the chat is working again, just so you know. Though I've not seen anyone besides myself go in there since it's back up.

Cool, we'll have to try to check in at similar hours, lol. If I remember well, you are like 3 hours behind me? I am in eastern time.

Edit
I just tested the chat room. It seems to work but when I type anything I don't see what I typed at all.

I'm Arizona time, yeah. Which means right now that's Pacific time. As for time, well, I'm usually in there all night. Hoping that Tach shows up again one of these days ^^;

Isn't it hell to wait for men? :P

Terra !! I was so sad reading about your Family and I thought my
Inbred -Lot were bad  but what a awful Woman ,I would say to her
'You are a Prolix..watch her try to work that out ,means ,speech or
writing..overlong and boring ,as it's been her life for soooooo long
can you ring him at Work surey she can't  run his life there I know it's
hard living with not understanding the Hate which this Lady [???]
has thrown into the Family how does she get on with her Family
bats

Adult Child of Alien Invaders