Topic: Bf/Gf

Let's keep the topic out of the bedroom please

i think i can do that

I'm still single. I never like any of the people who end up liking me. XD

Plus it's hard to find a man who lives up to your expectations when you admire Boba so much! :P

Not for long, I bet, if those new pictures on Facebook say anything. ;)

Welcome back to the boards. I missed 'ya.

i has a facebook...

facebook.com/jfett69

Shameless flirt. XD
Hmm... I guess I must look more attractive without the specs then. I recently got contacts, haha.
Those aren't even the best photos I have of myself to be honest, hahah, j/k!

I think my facebook is facebook.com/jesstompkins

If you add me, just tell me who ya are. I think the only person I have from here as a friend is Aaron. (And I will try to stay active here, haha).

Single... Probably till I die.

now thats a horrible way to look at it you need to have a more optimistic view about getting into a relationship

Its not exactly on my priority list. I dont care much about relationships. Relationships are overrated.

thats very true but it is nice to have some one

I have a nice family.

So much barbed wire around your heart, Croatian. What happened? Or is it that you don't think anything good could happen? Why?

Sometimes it's very much about meeting the right one. Or leaving the wrong ones out. If they all seem wrong to you, maybe you don't focus on the right people. If you look attentively, you'll find many who'll want to be with you, I'm sure.

When you know what you look for, it's just a matter of time and of meeting enough people before you can eventually spot one who'd fit your requirements.

What kinds of looks catch your attention? And besides looks, what is it you find attractive in a person? If you have a clear idea of that, you'll waste much less time.

And if you don't know what you want yet, you need to "experiment" so you'll find out. People are not all out to hurt you. Try and give yourself more of a chance.

"So much barbed wire around your heart, Croatian."

Isnt that kind of a too strong word? I am a classical pearson. I want a decent girl. Say... Polite, funny, pretty... Something like that you know?

That sounded quite strong to me too, lol. Reason for my way of putting things.

That's quite understandable. I don't think it's hard to find, and attracting them isn't out of your reach either.

Just a question of being open, fun and easy. Don't be too pushy with the flirting, and don't swear. It shouldn't be too long before one of them finds interest in you. When one girl hits your eye, shower your attention on her in particular. Sometimes it might be as simple as making her laugh.

Make her feel you respect her. Be attentive to whatever she says, especially if it's not important. Can work wonders.

wow Cin you should sell books on this stuff

You are saying thing of which I am aware of. Its not about action or approach. Its about my nerveous nature and fear of rejection.

You said in the other thread that you're only 18. You have plenty of time to find someone. And you seem like a nice guy, I'm sure it'll happen sooner or later.

Nice guy? No offense buddy, but we just met. But... I like to think I am a nice guy...

none yet, i have a fear that she might think im to annoying or stuff cause im a chatty person and active imagination so yeah no quite types.

lol. Thanks, I'm just a girl talking about girls from her own point of view. :P

Sorry to bring stuff you already knew. I hope this is gonna help you more, it's at least my intention.

I can understand how rejection can appear worse than doing nothing. But if you never try, you won't gain the confidence to actually succeed with it.

If flirting is the same as for sales, on 10 people you meet, you'll get 1 "yes". So if you want to be able to choose you need to meet that many 10's of people, talk to them, try your chances with them. And not get put down by the 90% of "no" you'll get, as it's not about you, it's just the "law of averages".

Miba isn't "buddy", lol. Girl too there. :P

Try listening more and chatting less. Might need some practice but it can be fun as it lets you learn about people's feelings and lives.

I don't mean to sound like I know it all, it's just something I try to do, and when I can control myself with it, people seem to come towards me more, to talk. People in general love to talk about themselves, if you encourage them to do that, they'll like you, lol.

thanx Cin your.....helpful? or another word but can't remember it right now...

:P

Well, thank you for spending time to tell me those things.

Didn't really help much, did it? lol. Oh well. At least I tried.

You guys sound too down. You need to do something.

I think your advice is good anyway.

Thanks. :)

It is good.

Glad that you appreciate. I try.

It's easy to see through and be wise when it's about other people. I become quite dumb when it's about my own emotional reality, lol.

I know i don't feel quaified to give relationship advice. But I always tell this to guys. Being nice and talking to a girl is certainly the first step into romance. That lets you get close to her, with out feeling threatened.

Cin is right about having to respect from her. i know i won't date anyone i can't respect.

My status is more of the its complicated to the extreme, but hopeful. Its funny how sometimes you arrive at this place in your life, and you just feel like you need to be married. Thats where I am. And it may not just be for ONE person. (meaning i am not fixating solely on one person, i'm playing it safe after how many times my heart has been broken within the laat yearl.)

I don't believe in instant long-term relationships. I can understand not wanting to play games and wanting to get to the essential part immediately, but I am not sure if it's realistic. Like Axl says, "all we need is just a little patience..."

If I walked up to a guy I like and told him "hey I need to get married now", I don't think he'd react well, lol. There's a few phases to go through before getting there, you know?

I think you need to relax and spend some time and attention on yourself. As long as you feel like this, "afraid that you're old and will never get there", it will emit a negative vibe which will repel the ones who could be the right ones for you. And it might attract some that could be really bad: desperate, real losers. You don't want that.

I know it's super difficult when you feel overwhelmed but you need to find a way to relax and center your attention on you. Just do things that you like, videogames, costuming, whatever. Amuse yourself and forget the "emergency" of an instant long-term thing. It doesn't exist.

When you have fun, you'll look like fun and you'll become a real man-magnet. Maybe not with those who already feel negative towards you, but it's full of newbies out there who are just waiting to fall under your spell.

Well said Cin Vhetin, I might also add that there is no guarantee that a relationship will become long term depending on how two people clash.

Thanks Sharra. My mom got married in her 50s and it's not something that would scare me. Rather, marriage itself scares me, lol.

Sometimes I wonder if I haven't been a sort of runaway bride in my last few relationships, lol. Having kids seems less scary to me than making a choice about who I'll spend the rest of my life with. Dunno why though. Maybe somehow I don't feel up to it, go figure. Damn artists, lol.

I think getting married young is sort of pressured. How often do we see/hear about young, tendy, 20 somethings getting married? I think we're too pressured into it; we date someone a while, then say, lets get married! Theres a reason why the divorce rate is so high, after all, and I think this is it. What we (everyone pay attention!) need to do is to date someone for years. Move in eventually. See what happens!

I don't think dating for years is a great idea, nor moving in. My sister moved in with her bf and now she's going to have a kid and they're not married. Oh, they were going to get married last year. And they were going to get married in June. And then they were going to get married in July. And now they're claiming later this month. Pregnant weddings are never good. And I don't think her bf really wants to marry her. And she's only 20. When we all first found out she was going to have a baby everyone of us treated her horrible for the first few months. I still do sometimes. Now take me, for example, come time for me to have kids everyone will be happy for me. Cause I'm married. My mom actually told me how happy she is that me and my husband got married before we moved in with each other. If you move in with each other, you start acting like you're married, but you aren't. And some people never get there. After a few years of living together it doesn't seem like it's so important anymore. Like my step-brother. He's been with his gf for four or five years and they're getting married, actually, today. But at this point there's no celebration, it's a formality. I don't even know why they decided to make it official. People just don't really seem to honor the idea of marriage anymore. If you move in with someone, you're not "married", you're roommates who sleep together.

As for the length of time... all my life I'd decided I'd know the person I was going to marry for a year before we got married. My mom always told me, know each other a year. She didn't do that, she married my stepdad just months after meeting him. My husband's mom told him he'd know "the one" pretty quick and told him six months would be how long it would take for him to know. She was right. Even before me and my husband went on our first date people were asking us how long we'd been together. A week after we were actually together people were asking when we were getting married. Almost 6 months into it he did ask me to marry him. But I think we both knew it was going to happen three or four months before then. Actually, three months of us being together and I was already closer to him than I'd been to anyone else. We didn't really date. We went on one, he took me to see a movie and then we had something to eat. After that we went to his house to play video games. And then we just hung out. We didn't go out and do stuff like movies and dinner anymore, but that's ok. Because we got something better. We got quality time with each other at each other's house. But we weren't living together. I think if we had moved in right away that would have ruined some of the magic of it. He said that he knew the girl he was going to marry would hook up to his network and never leave, and that's pretty much how it happened. I sat down to play video games on that first day and I just never really left. Like he says, "You're my best friend, but with girlie bits." Now we've been married almost a year and a half. And before me, he was with this other girl for years and years and they were going to get married, but didn't. Yet with me it took six months. She cheated on him. Me? I'm still here.

I'm not saying to rush it, cause that can be just as bad as living with each other for years. Just that what you think might happen might not happen. I can't even explain it. I think some of you might remember I had a bf before, for three years. I thought we would get married. We were together from the time I was 17 up to when I was 20. And this is partly why I keep telling you here that don't rush getting a bf, grow up first. Because me and my bf grew apart. But I had this loyal mentality that we could work it out. That we could get past the new differences of who we'd become. In all honesty it should have ended in five months, that's when the first of the real trouble started cropping up. I wasn't with a man, I was with a boy. My husband is a man, a real man. Doesn't seem to be enough of those around anymore.

I'm not quite sure what the point of all this was. I guess to say, don't rush it, but don't be lazy. Don't ignore the dusty, not-quite-attractive man in the corner looking you're way, once you brush him off and shine him up he can be the best gem you could imagine. Things might take longer, or quicker, than you'd think. I was 21 when we married.... he was 30. While I got married fairly early on in life, it took him quite a while. Act on what you feel is right, not on whatever preconceptions of what you expect or expected to happen.

Good point. And over here it's pretty common that people get to know each other for a few years (or sometimes more) before doing anything definitive. When you get married too soon after meeting someone it might be up for bad surprises.

hey guys i need some advice thers a girl in school and we have been friends 4 years but now i like her. how do i so called break the ice...

You two ever hang out alone? Maybe just casually say "hey, wanna go to the movies sometime?"
If she says yes, then she might be interested.
If she declines... it might be a lost cause, lol.
Good luck though, man.

Sometimes it may just mean that she can't. Then again, a movie is a 2 hours side-by-side with someone in the dark. Might be a big step if you never went out together alone, and if she's shy / unassuming.

What kind of person is she like? Do you think she might have someone?

At first, just to test the waters a little, I'd suggest you try "accidental" contacts while talking to her. Nothing romantic, just "accidental" hand contacts and eye contact and things like that. If she seems uneasy about it, or if she doesn't seem to notice, might be better to leave it as "just friends".

If she likes the multiplied contacts and eye attention she'll probably smile at you when it happens or show signs of receptivity. Then it might be time to try asking her out like Manji says.

well i know she doesn't have a Bf and well im the classic clown in my school so i think thats good ya know, i always make her laugh thats good right?

Sure, but maybe she never considered you "that way" before. Laughing at a friend's jokes and being open to having something "more" with someone are two different things.

Although I try to give you advice I am in a similar situation, lol. It's hard to really know if someone is interested in you, even if they seem open and warm it may be just "friendly", hard to measure. I think the first move is to let them know you're interested, and then wait. If they're interested they'll usually give you some feedback sooner than later.

thx Cin your always a good advice giver, you should make a caption wear ppl ask question and you answer them.

lol, you're sweet. I'm fine with trying to help people here when I can. :)

I really do respect the concept of marriage, and don't believe in living together. (My family would disown me in all likely hood if I were to go that route anyway.) And there really isn't a time restriction either, but I feel like after 3 years together that He'd know. But not my ex. I thought I knew after like a month, but things always are changing.

I've seen A LOT of "young" people get married. And get married FAST into their relationships. And those are indeed the couples who end up in trouble. I know my fair share now in my age group who are on marriage number 2. (at say 25/26) I wonder why do they deserve two chances at that when i haven't even had one engagement.

Really its less about desperation, to when I honestly feel ready and know myself enough so that I am fit for what a marriage is. Im ready for that lifestyle.

Single isn't fun either when everyone you come across is married. They avoid single people like it will rub off on them. "OH NO! I've caught the single!"

I think they're rather afraid that you'd steal their man away, lol. And I guess they'd feel rude of being affectionate in front of you, they don't want to make you feel even lonelier by showing off what you can't have. Wouldn't you feel a bit envious if they kept being all over each other while you're alone in your corner?

I hope we'll be five here on sunday. Could be interesting ;)
I'll have to find a way to AVOID hanging myself by the phone all day saturday, lol.

To answer the "don't hang out with single people" question, I think the other person in the relationship (man, woman, husband, wife), or maybe even both, might have a jealousy issue and feel threated. Like, "I'd better not hang out with her anymore even though shes my best friend, cause I don't want her to steal John". Or "I don't want you hanging out with your best friend anymore, they're going to put bad ideas in your head about me". At least, thats what my observations have been in high school and college thus far.

I don't think they avoid so that they aren't too affectionate around me. BELIEVE me on this one.... I've seen so much BLATANT forced affection that i'm sure it was done with the intention of rubbing in my face. "This is what you could have had... but OH NO WAIT you don't"

I know! Talk to me all day saturday. There is much PLOTTING to do ;)

lol. We plan on going back there friday instead, in case he'd forget. I'll tell you how it goes for sure. ;)

.
College? Cecilia, how old are you? Just curious.

I turned 21 last February. Fun times!

Hey that's cool. For some reason I was sure you were much younger.

Well, I suppose thats understandable since I don't talk about my personal life much. It doesn't help either that I often feel like a big kid in adult clothes. XD

Wow, it'll be eight months with my current GF in a couple days

How time flys.....