Topic: Tell a joke

So, I hope you tell here a joke. I'll tell later cause I have a rush...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says" we have a drink named after you" and he says "what Kevin".

How is a lost Zelda game like the abominable snowman?

They're both a missing link.

A man walks into a bar...

"Ouch"

How's that funny Si? :P ;)

I made one up myself. :D

What is a deadly disease and also an American comedy TV show that everyone loves?

( drum roll )

The Symtoms! :P

What does the Invisible Man call his mother and father?

Transparents.

three stormtroopers walk into a bar,

The fourth one ducks

Why did Boba Fett cross the road?
To catch the bounty!;) Funny Isin't It?

Heres a good one.

                     Hold your tounge and say apple. 

                   LOL.

Oh wow, how insanely funny...ha. ha :|

I thought it was funny.

put your fingers in your mouth, and then say truck ROFLNUB.

no.

Knock knock...

A little kid gets on a bus and says "If my mom was an elephant and my dad was an elephant, than I'd be a baby elephant" over and over, which really annoys the bus driver.

So he yells "What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a lady of the night?!"

So the kid says "then I'd be a bus driver."

That wasn't a waste of time at all.' :P

((Sorry Draco, just did some minor editing for younger member's sake))

Two mandalorians (Bob and steve) are walking in the woods, suddenly steve falls down incapacitated. The other Mando then calls command and asks the commander waht he should do. The commader says to first make sure hes dead. Theres a silence on the comm then a blaster shot is heard. Then bob is head on comm: "Ok, now what?"

KOTOR fans should know this one.

Fine. I know only finnish jokes. :( So it's hard to me,actually.I can tell a very bad joke,someday. :D

Don't care. I know too only Finnish jokes. Just turn them in English if u can.

Here's one, not so good maybe:

Finland figthed against Sweden. But both sides just stayed in their moats. Then Finnish soldiers got a plan. One of them shouted: "Åke!" (Åke is a normal Swedish name.) One of Swedish soldiers rised away from his moat and shouted: "What?" and Finnish soldiers shot him. Swedish tried the same. One of them shouted: "Markus!!" (Markus is a normal Swedish name and -F3TT-'s first name). -F3TT- shouted: "Who shouts?" One of Swedish soldiers got away from his moat and shouted: "I do!" -F3TT- shot him.

Maybe the translation isn't right but hope you'll understand. Oh, and Finnish people tell jokes about Swedish people. They're just like that! :I

I sort of understood that.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

The Fox, that joke was so funny, I couldn't believe you thought of it!

10/10! *

Thank you,The Fox,very nice joke,9/10. (WOOT! I shot swedish scum!!!)

Swedish people are not " scum" -F3TT-! :|

I love the band " Abba " and they are Swedish.... :(

I know they're not.I just said.Oh I mean,I just posted. ;)

stay on topic.

How many Polish people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1 to hold the lightbulb, and 4 to rotate him.

What do Whipids say when they kiss?

Ouch.

I made that one up myself. :D

I heard a variation of that joke.  WWII. 

A Japanese scientist was experimenting with frogs.  He pulls out one of his frogs and sets it a long a measuring tape. 

"Froggie JUMP!"  Obediently the frog hops quite a distance.  The scientist records his data.  Then receiving a brilliant idea he cuts off the frog's front legs.  He replaces the frog and commands it to jump.

"Froggie JUMP!"  Again the frog jumps but only about half as far.  Continuing on he cuts off all the legs.  Replacing the frog once again he commands the frog to jump. The only flops around a bit.

"HMMMM.  Interesting.  Froggie with no legs, loses hearing!"

Stop me if you've heard this one...

A driver for a limousine service gets a call that he has been selected to drive the Pope from the Vatican to the airport. After being picked up, he leans foreward and asks the driver for a favor: "They never let me drive anywhere. Would you mind if I drove the car to the airport?"
"Of course not, your Holiness, just please be careful." says the driver as he and the Pope switch places.
As soon as he is behind the wheel, he guns it. He's running stop signs, going around corners on two wheels, and driving like a maniac. Before long, the limo is pulled over by the police.
"You see what's going on while I run the plates. Let me know if you need back-up.", the cop says to his partner.
Soon the limo drives away and the cop returns to his car as white as a ghost.
"Why'd you let them go? Who was in the limo, anyway?" asks his partner.

"I don't know... but the Pope was his driver!"

Why did the criminal take a bath?

To make a clean getaway.

Very nice jokes. :) *I'm thinkin' new joke*

HAHA! That's really funny , Miba! :D Nice one.

Did anyone like mine?

Did anyone get it?

The Symtoms - ( like the disease people's in the 1500's got and also.....( drumroll ) ............the Simspons! But it's the Symtoms! :D

Eh?  Symtoms?  People get symptoms from diseases all the time.  Not just in the 1500s.  Not a very funny joke I'm sorry.

Here's another.  This one I have to say I copied and pasted off the internet.  I thought it was funny.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

WOW! I'm ROTFLMAO. :|

It may be a horrible joke, but it was quite funny in my opinion, Sev. :|

Thanks. And, yes, I loved yours. :)

What do you call a frog with broken legs?

Unhoppy.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!

Yours is very funny, Miba!

Like, unhappy, but without his legs he's unhoppy. :P :D

Loved it! :)

Man sat in his Plane seat ,next to a Man and a Dog
When the Plane was in the Air he asked the Man  about the  Dog
He was told he was  a Policeman ,''I'll show you what this dog does''
''Search '' was the order,Dog went down the plane,came back ,put one Paw,up
''That means there is Hash aboard''
'' Amazing;; the man said
''Search '' Dog came back ,,but this time put his two Paws on the lap
''That means there is Hard Drugs on board''
He told the Dog to search again ..but ..this time the Dog did a BIG Crap on his Lap!!!
''That is disgrusting'  'the Man said ''What does that mean''!!!
The Polceman turned with Whited face and said shaking voice
    ''There's is a Bomb Aboard !!!!!!!!!!
   Bats

HAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

That's amazing bats!

It makes sense and it is so funny.

10/10! :D

Two Finnish boys were playing ice-hockey when a big dog attacked to little brother. Big brother thought that he should do something and he killed the dog with his stick and the boys went home. But Aamulehti [it is Tampere's newspaper and Tampere is a city] was interested about that. So, they interviewed the big brother. After that they asked:
"Do want that we write on the first page: 'Tappara's fan saved his brother from a beast'?" [Tappara is ice-hockey team of Tampere]
"Well, yes but I don't support Tappara", said the big brother.
"What team do you support then?" asked the the columnist.
"I support TPS", said the big brother. [TPS is ice-hockey team of Turku and Turku is a city too]
On the next day when the big brother readed Aamulehti, on the first page readed:
"A juvenile devinquent from Turku killed a family dog shokingly with his stick!!"

Well, it is funnier if you are from Finland and you understand everything. Oh, and that base on that people from Tampere usually nag people from Turku. Hopefully you understanded...

I didn't sorry.... The Fox....

I only understood it when the big brother killed the dog...... :)

I understood it Fox, it's funny. :)

My next joke:
What breakfast cereal do you have when your pet bird flies into a fan?

Shredded Tweet

Lol.

That's sick but good too, Miba.

It's very funny.

Here's an original one....

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Lol. ROTFLMAO!

:P

Ha.  Haven't heard that one ever before.

3 construction workers are sitting on top of a high rise having lunch.  There is a Mexican, and Irishman, and a blonde guy.

The mexican opens his lunch and sees burritos.  "Aye yae yae!  If I get burritos one more time I'm jumping off this high rise!"

The Irish man opens his lunch and sees cabbage and potatoes.  "Ack!  If I get cabbage and potatoes again I'm jumping with ye!"

The blonde opens his lunch.  "Bologna sandwich! I'm jumping with you guys if I get it again."

THE NEXT DAY

The Mexican opens his lunch and sees burritos.  He screams and jumps off. 

The Irish man opens his lunch and sees cabbage and potatoes.  He screams and jumps as well.

The blond opens his lunch and sees a bologna sandwich.  He jumps as well.

AT THE FUNERALS

All the wives are crying and people are consoling them.

The Mexican's wife was hysterical, "If only I knew!  I could have packed him enchiladas!"

The Irishman's wife was bawling her eyes out as well, "I should have known!  I could have packed him something else!"

Everyone looked to the blond's wife.  She shrugs.  "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"

Well, I'll try tell it easier...

Two brothers are playing ice-hockey. Big dog attacks. Big brother kills the dog. Tampere's [Tampere is a city] newspaper gets interested of that. They make an interview. After that the columnist asks:
"What is your favourite ice-hockey team? Is it Tappara? We could write on the first page: 'Tappara's fan saved his brother from a beast!" [Tappara is Tampere's ice-hockey team]
"Well, my favourite team is TPS, not Tappara", answered the boy. [TPS is Turku's ice-hockey team]
Next day on the newspaper's first page: "A juvenile devinquent from Turku killed a family dog shokingly with his stick!!"

Did you now understand?

Lol!!!!!!!!

That one was really, really, really, really funny Sev! :D

I understood that one. fully. :P

What ROTFLMAO means? I dunno...

Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off.

I heard a different version, where onlhy one jumps and one of the guys starts laughing

Blonde joke...

A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop:Do you know where you were going?

Blonde:No,but wherever it is,it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

HAHAHA!!!!

That's a good one, -F3TT-! :D

The Irish gave the Scottish the bagpipe as a war present.  The Scottish still haven't gotten the joke.

Ha! We Think It's An Intrusment! :d

But seriously I love the bagpipe.  One of the coolest sounding instruments.  I would say it's an acquired taste.

Thank you!