Topic: RPG: Zombie Spiders Attack!

The idea of this RPG is to be as cheesy as possible. This is to be like a really corny B-grade movie. So let’s ham it up!

Let's start with the Rules:

1. You may create any character you want.  Clarify their name and strengths/powers so others can follow their actions easily.

2. You can kill characters you create but you can't kill other people's characters unless they say they have been killed in battle with you. However you can wound them. Zombie spiders are fair game, anyone can kill them.

3. You can have any weapon you want but you can only have what your character could physically carry - otherwise they wouldn't be able to move, unless of course they have powers.

4. Be consistent, eg if someone says they blew up a building, don't suddenly be assaulting it.

5. If you have sustained many wounds you will have to either get medical help or eventually die.

6. Follow the storyline, sure add a few twists and turns but allow others to see where you want to go so they can help you get there.

7. Have fun.

And now for the plot (or lack of it):

Zombie Spiders Attack!

Prologue

High in the Colorado Mountains in the small village of Moose City, murders are occurring. However Police have not been able to identify exactly what is killing their citizens.

Bizarre bite marks are left on the corpses, some appear to be human teeth marks and others are not quite identifiable to anything known to roam the mountains.

Could it be a result of the tragic toxic waste spill that had been poorly covered up by the local government? Who knows…?

Chapter 1

It was a cold night in the mountains but that didn’t mean that Lover’s Point wasn’t occupied. Tammy White and Jamie Summers had finally found a night that neither of their parents were going to be around.

Jamie already had Tammy’s top off and was hoping to go all the way when they heard a strange scraping sound.

“What’s that?” Tammy asked, covering herself with her arms.

Jamie was only annoyed that he couldn’t see her boobs. “It’s probably just a raccoon or something.”

Tammy returned to Jamie’s embrace and they kissed. The scraping noise sounded again. Tammy opened her eyes and screamed. A strange looking man was scraping the bonnet of the car with some sort of branch.

“Oh Jamie, there’s a creepy guy out there!” Tammy squealed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll chase him off.” Jamie said, trying to play the tough boyfriend card.

As he stepped out of the car Tammy immediately put her shirt back on to his annoyance. “Hey buddy, how about you leave us alone.” Jamie shouted at the man standing at the front of the car.

The man said nothing. Jamie walked around the front of the car. “Hey are you deaf. Bug off, get out of here, you pervert!”

As Jamie approached the man he realised something was wrong. The man had a strange hump at his rear and he had strange branch like appendages joined from his torso. “Dude, what is wrong with you?” Jamie started.

It was then that the ‘man’ turned and Jamie saw its face and screamed.

Tammy tensed as she heard the blood curdling scream. “Jamie!” She shouted. But a bloody lump was thrown at the windscreen.

Tammy screeched and opened the door and ran into the woods. The scraping noise seemed to amplify. “No, go away!” Tammy gasped as she saw figures growing closer. “No, please!”

Then she was surrounded. “Oh God, please don’t hurt me!” Tammy pleaded. Then just like Jamie, Tammy screamed and it echoed through the night.

-

Chuck Morris sat cleaning his 12 gauge shotgun. It was the pride of his collection even if he did have a ninja background. The tall blonde body builder was not only a skilled fighter but he also had the ability to conjure up pepperoni pizzas with merely his will.

Unfortunately this skill was not in demand with the local Xmen which clearly annoyed Chuck immensely. So left as a meagre semi-mutant, Chuck had pursued a career in Private Investigation and Bounty Hunting, which got him a lot of chicks.

As Chuck skimmed through the local paper his attention was drawn to the latest story on the Mountain Murders. He was interrupted as he heard the chime of the door bell, it seemed he had a customer.

Constance Lee Naggs stood at the door way, her short brown hair was pulled back into a tight bun as she pushed her glasses a little higher up her nose. As she rolled her shoulders her top shirt button popped open for the fifth time that day.

She really did need to buy shirts with a larger bust. Her DD sized bosom regularly popped open the buttons of her shirts.

As the door opened Constance had to stop herself from gasping at the gorgeous chunk of man that opened the door.

Sun Glasses.
Dead beer cans.
Toes in the sand.
The sound of waves crashed, normally the recipe for paradise. but not for...

name: Padre Zip Malfunction
bio: Zipper, known by his friends as Zip,  has always been something of a tortured soul.  When he was a child he mistook some easter egg dying tablets as candy and ate them-he was stricken w/ explosive diarrhea. but when he recovered he relized he had been cursed...for since that day-if he ever touched anyone w/ his bare hands they instantly relieved themselves in their pants. the isolation had pushed him to the brink.
Given this life sentence of isolation, he had gone into the priesthood.  And taken a church in the colorado hills, but that was before the incident...

Zip groped around for another beer, his hand found his bible which was half covered in sand.  He kept groping- his hand finding his cell phone...one text message: Padre Zip we need you back in Moose City- Its begun!...

...he grabbed his last beer and killed it tossing the empty alluminum into the oncoming surf.   What has eight legs and no remorse? Zip grabbed his bible and shook the sand out of it...it was gonna be a hell of a week.

"What are we going to do?"

"We cant keep letting these murders happen!"

"We must find the killer!"
Were the cries that broke out from the crowd that had gathered for the meeting at Moose City Town Hall. Mayor Wilson stood at the podium, his coke-bottle glasses slowly descending his nose due to the sweat that covered his face. He gripped the podium firmly to sustain his shaking legs.

"Al-al-alright people lets settle down now, lets settle down." he said into the mic. He couldnt have the people get too rowdy and chuck him out of office. "Now, we will just have to put faith into our police force-"

"The cops haven't done anything!"

"Yeah! All they do is drive around town getting drunk!" Two towns people said and pointed to the passed out Police officer at the back of the room.

"We need to look for outside help!"

Outside help? Wilson didnt like the idea of outsiders, bounty hunters and dirty mercenaries coming into Moose City and stinking it up....

BANG

The doors to the town hall burst open, the silloeute of a man laden with machine guns stood in the doorway.

"I have come to rid thee of this foul being, citizens of Moose City. I, am none other than DEGREDOTH. Champion of the light and Hero of the people. I have been sent by the forces of good to wipe the filth from this city." The man said in a deep, charismatic voice.

Wilson shuttered. THis man knew that it was not a human doing the murders, but some kind of creature. Something most of the towns people were not aware of. How he knew was a good question...

Everyone's eyes adjusted and they could see the man now. He was shirtless, had combat pants and black combat boots on. Draped over his shoulders and neck were many bandoliers and belts full of bullets that led into the large machine guns that also hung from his shoulders. He had a minigun, a .50 caliber machine gun, a SAW, and an AK47. He also wore a combat helmet.

The towns people looked at the one man army that just burst into the town hall. The man looked as if he had been lifting weights since he was 2 years old. They broke out in cheers. This man would surely rid them of whoever...or whatever was killing the towns people.

Degredoth smiled. This was his chance to prove his worth to his 'friends' back home. These people loved him...but unfortunately they also were unaware of his...condition. What his friends called, Stormtrooper syndrome.

----

Name: Degredoth

Abilities: Deg can carry massive amounts of guns and ammunition, and during his war days was used to carry it all....but not to use it.

Disablities: Stormtrooper syndrome.

Bio: Deg tried to join a team back in his home town that was kind of like the A-team, but after discovering his, problem, they laughed at him and shoved him off. Deg came to Moose City to prove his worth to them.

“Hey there hot stuff, what can I do for you?” Chuck said as he admired the babe who’d just walked through his door.

She blushed slightly, “Hi, I’m Constance Lee Naggs. I’m wanting to find my sister.”

“Well if she’s as hot as you, I’d like to find her too.” Chuck said with a knowing grin.

Constance pulled at her collar seeming a little flustered. “Ah she’s been missing for a couple of days and the police are so busy that they’ve done nothing to find her.”

Chuck picked up a pad of paper and started scribbling some notes, “So when did you last see your sister?”

“I told you, a couple of days ago.” Constance reminded him.

“A couple of days could be any measure of time,” Chuck said as he licked the end of the pencil before touching the page in anticipation of writing.

“A couple means two.” Constance said as she placed her hands on her hips only to have another button pop open on her shirt. She immediately moved to do it up.

“Of course it does, how silly of me.” Chuck replied as he eyed off the exposed cleavage.

Constance cleared her throat. “Anyway my sister was going hiking in the mountains, I warned her about the murders but she was determined to go.”

“She was probably meeting a lover,” Chuck said as he scribbled on the paper.

“Neva is a nun,” Constance informed him.

“You sister’s name is Neva? As in Neva Naggs?” Chuck asked.

“Yes that’s right,” Constance said with a nod.

“I certainly need to meet this sister of yours.” Chuck said looking amused.

Constance narrowed her eyes at him, “So will you help me or not?”

((I think i might join tonight....oh and haven't i seen this on the SciFi channel? :P))

Name:The Sniper (Burt Gumber)
Bio: After serving with team Red in their battle with team Blu, The Sniper moved back to Australia, where he spent his time boxing kangaroos and throwing koalas. Eventually he grew tired of this simple, yet violent life, and moved to Moose City.
Weapons: Sniper rifle, submachine gun, machete.
Abilities:Has the power to summon boxing kangaroos and greased rabid koalas....in speedos
Apearance: http://sp1.yt-thm-a01.yimg.com/image/25/f10/454416119 combo of this and Burt Gummer from the Tremors series

((Oh this may have some common elements to "Ice Spiders" How could we resist such an epic? :P  Nice powers by the way. I see this guy being real effective. He should team up with Chuck Morris, between pizza throwing and koala throwing we'll have these zombie spiders licked :P))

Name: Mark Dellun
Age: 39
Power: 35
WOC: Shotgun
Weapons: Shotgun, knife, two frag grenades.
Armour: 6%

Mark walked in to a local cantina. He yawned. He had had a very busy day, hunting Eagle's that were terrorisising a town nearby. He placed his shotgun down and looked at his fragmentation grenade. He smiled. He ought to polish this beauty. It cost him $150 for just one! He better not lose it, or worse........blow it up in front of people. His daydream ended, so he put down his grenades too and asked the bartender for a beer.

Beer...

He thought.

He hadn't had much of that lately......

Nor sleep...................

His mobile phone started to chirp mildly. He cursed. WHAT NOW, DAMNIT? he thought. He had been recieving calls all day, and he wasn't too happy about getting about the 200th of the day. He flapped the screen up and read the message. He looked grim. He pulled on his army leather jacket and weapons. His map too. And his water........

Moose City was having Reaaaaaaaaaaaaal problems. He was friends with an old friend, known as Cartoniu. His old, Mercenary friend.

His beer was lying fresh on the table, a minute later..

Too bad he was leaving...................................................................

The Sniper stood on top of the ten foot concrete wall that surrounded his compound. His time with Red had made him value a good defense, and his home, the once rustic log cabin in the woods rumored to be haunted by the ghosts of the teenagers who rented it for the summer in 1967, then disappeared and were rumored to have been killed by a group of cannibals they found when going on a road trip after growing bored with the cabin, was now covered in gray concrete, with a 12 foot deep surrounding wall to protect against, well, The Sniper didn't know what, but if any, say, giant prehistoric worm creatures decided to mess with him, he would be ready.

    Currently though, he had heard of a series of unexplained murders, the details of which hadn't been released, but he had heard on his weekly supply run that they had been violent. Unreported, violent, mangled bodies, seemingly eaten...... He sat down in his lawnchair, and picked up the book beside him. These were obvious signs of a zombie attack. He flipped through his book, looking. Something was wrong though. Some of the attacks were in places zombies could never reach easily.  Of course, that would explain the screams he heard a while back. He sighed and set down the Zombie Survival Guide and proceeded to check the scope on his gun.

"Have you ever been in love Padre Zip?" a priest asked him.
"Only with the Holy three", Zip replied flashing a smile. the two priests chuckled.
The priest continued, "until now, have you met the new nun that just transfered to Silent Hill Community Church?"
Zip shook his head that he hadnt. "She is...whoa, i think here name is Sister Neeva"...

Zip was jerked out of his nap by a child kicking the back of his chair, He groaned, dreaming about her was not helping. he raised his hand for the flight attendant- he needed another drink. the child kicked his chair again...Serenity now, he thought.
the child continued his assault on the back of seat.
Zip craned his head around, to plead for a reprieve- Instead the mother of said child greated him w/ a request.
"Padre would you bless my child?" she smiled.
Vengeance is mine thought Zip, as he tugged at his glove pulling it off and placed a finger on the childs forehead.
the child instantly let out an loudly audible fart, and belted out a cry.
The lady was about to speak when the pilot chirped over the intercom.

"we will be touching down in on the tarmac at Moose City state airport in 5 minutes.
"out of the frying pan..." Zip thought to himself...

Mark was on the  Moose City airplane right now. He had heard other Mercenary's would be on the plane, but he doubted it.

That would be too good. He thought to himself.

Meanwhile, he was reading a travelling advertisement magazine and sipping a mug of  coffee.

" Ahhhhhhh! " He sighed. He then , for a moment, looked out of the small window beside him, and looked out.

Hpphh! He thought. Nothing but sky, sun and clouds............

(mel you've read my mind. i've done nothing but watch old and cheesy horror movies all week so far, considering i watch a tv channel that does nothing but play them! i was almost considering doing an RPG of like The Thing, not that John Carpenter crap, but the 1951 version).

Name: Herr Dr. Wolfgang Weiderschnitzeljegerkopfenausflugzimmergangenstein  *credit goes to A_A for the name  :P *

Age: 57

Occupation: Mad Scientist in the employ of the US government *all allegations that he was a former Nazi who was forced to work for the US are TOTALLY AND UTTERLY UNTRUE!!!……….just ask him*

Last known project was the experimentation of toxic chemicals on small creatures….. 

Appearance: 6’2’’  97 lbs *he’s a little on the……..lean side*   Bald head with no eyebrows, round glasses, always wears his long white lab coat and rubber gloves

Always travels with his trusty aid Igor *think Marty Feldman from Young Frankenstein*

Description: A brilliant scientist, he enjoys knowing more then those around him.  Demands that his title of ‘Herr Doctor’ always be said.  Life, whether human or not, is now a lesser form to him, to be studied and dissected.  Speaks with a German accent…….. although he claims to have never been near Germany……. especially during WW II.

Mark got served at the food stop, halfway on the journey. An egg. ( Lol, RD and AA made up the idea for me :P :D ;) )

He got served a runny dripping yolk egg with toast and another mug of coffee. He got a newspaper too. He read the headlines, and at once flung it aside again. Other people stared at him. He smiled nervously and frowned.

And can you guess what the front of the paper was.

" MOOSE CITY UNDER THREAT! "

"I'll help you provided you pay my fees," Chuck said with the smile of a cheap salesman.

"I expected no less," Constance said as she pulled her cheque book from her handbag, "How much?"

Chuck waved a hand, "Oh don't worry about payments now little lady. I'll just check a few sources to see if we can get some leads on your sister."

Chuck picked up his phone and dialled a familiar number, "Hey Burt, we got a case."

((Now Adeptus, your turn))

Burt answered his phone, rising rising out of his chair and damn near falling off of the roof of his house, or compound, or whatever you wanted to call it. "You mean you have a case. I have a few square miles to wander though, looking for something thats probably going to be small and inconspicuous, right, mate?"

"Well I woul-"

"How much are you being paid?"

"I havnt gotten around to that yet."

"Well I want more then half of what your getting."

"Half? Thats insane!"

"Yeah well there were lots of murders around here, and I don't want to come out empty handed if I run into that chainsaw wielding psychopath again ok mate?"

Chuck sighed. "We'll talk about it. I need you to do some searching first."

Chuck looked meaningfully at Constance as he held his hand over the phone's receiver. "So where in the Mountains would this sister of yours go?"

Constance looked baffled as she chewed her nails, "Um she said she liked this old abandon mansion, though I have no idea where it is."

Chuck shook his head knowing exactly where she meant, "Burt try the old abandon Cussler Mansion on the west peak."

Burt sighed, "Man I've visited that place more frequently than the rats."

"And that's why you're the man for the job. Let's just hope no one else has thought to look there. I'm looking forward to pay day." Chuck grinned and ignored Constance's reddening face.

Mark arrived at Moose City Airport.

He breathed in.

Fresh air! he thought.

Bliss..................

He headed towards the main terminal........................

Name: Jamie "Grif" Rymann
Age: 34
Occupation: Mercenary
Group: Unrealistically Neverending Supply of Comrades Inc. (U.N.S.C.)
Armament: 2 Ported Fully Automatic 12.7x40mm M6D Magnum Pistols that just never seem to run out of ammo, And the SRS99D-S2 Anti-Material Rifle
Appearance: Full body armor with HUD helmet that has so many different setting it's dizzying.

((Thought I'd join the cheezyness))

Mark arrived at the terminal and showed his passport. He called a taxi and got in for Moose City Central.

He got out his fragmentation grenade and polished it again. His knife was starting to dig into his leg a bit in his pocket....

oW!

he thought.

He arrived 45 minutes later and paid the driver his bill. $10.00.

He headed towards the Mayor's Hall to discuss the incidents that had happened over the past few months.........

Degredoth stalked through the forest on the edge of Moose City. He had been told by the police that all the murders had been said to have happened in any wooded areas and on the edge of town. So he went to the nearest section of wooded area and began his search for any clues and/or things to kill.

Degredoth's idea of 'sneaking' around the forest was very different from most people's.

The huge man carrying massive amounts of guns and ammunition crashed through a copse of trees, a machete bordering on the line of Great Sword held in his right hand. Dark red...sap...oozed from the blade, a treat from the hundreds of trees and plants that he had already cleaved his way through. With each swing of the machete, he announced his arrival with a great roar that barley sounded human.

A sound...movement in a lone rose bush ahead of him. Degredoth threw the machete into the ground and leveled two of his machine guns. He let loose a volley of bullets that would topple the Statue of Liberty. Trees fell, bushes turned to powder, rocks turned to dust....the rose bush remained intact.

Degredoth lowered the smoking guns and picked up his machete. He walked through the section of destroyed forest and up to the rose bush that swayed gently in the breeze. He cursed himself. He reached down and grabbed the bush by the roots. He tugged and the rose bush gave way under his might, he tossed it aside. The rabbit made a run for it and dashed into the foliage nearby, fleeing for its life. Degredoth sighed....

"Fear not my woodland friend!" He called after the rabbit, "I have come to rid you of the pest that has overcome your forest home! This evil will fall under my divine wrath!!!"

He paused for a moment...heard no reply, and continued hacking his way through the forest in search of the evil....

The mansion was tall and looming deep within the tree lined valley. Its green exterior allowed it to blend in with the vegetation. The weather had gradually taken the polish off the once grand mansion, now it stood alone, a forgotten memory.

Within the bowels of the mansion wandered a wayward nun, her name was Sister Neva Naggs. Although Neva was of the Christian faith, she often found herself loathe to following instructions or the way of others. She believed in following her own path, even if it did often involve her in some seriously dangerous predicaments.

But as she wandered the lonely halls of the mansion she figured she was relatively safe. Sure there were the odd scuffling noise, the creaks and groaning of floor boards and that strange sound that was remarkably like a blood curdling scream. But Neva paid them no mind. She moved to a large window, some of its glass was broken leaving sharp shards, but Neva looked beyond that to see a man destroying the flora outside. She was furious that someone could be so callous, she immediately stormed away from the window. She was going to give that man a good talking to!

Mark went into the woods afterwards and searched for clue's for corpses. He saw the Mercenary, Degredoth.

He held a machete and other numerous weapons and equipment.

" hi, bud! " Mark shouted.

" Hello, Mark. Are you hunting the evidence too? " Degredoth asked.

" ' Aye! I am indeed! I haven't found a bloody thing yet! You? "

" Ummm, yeah, kinda..."

--

Mark continued his search.........

(Green, no offense, but for future reference, do you mind not writing my characters dialogue? He kinda speaks a certain way...)

(ah what the hell, i've had a long enough break from RPGs)

Name: Dr. Skyler Rodriguez
Occupation: Spider expert
Age: 28
Weapons: Science
Bio: After giving a lecture on spider mutations in Salt Lake City, Skyler was rejected and eventually moved to Moose City. He hopes to give his name something worth it.

After driving to one of the many murder locations, Skyler started to drive up a crazy theory that no one would believe.

"Well, Sergeant, I'd say you've got a big bug problem."

"What kind of bug, Doc?"

"Spider, of some sort. Not sure yet."

"Spiders? Don't they usually flee people?"

"Well, yes, but this is clearly a murder done on purpose."

"I don't know, Doc, seems a bit hair-brained to me."

"Yeah, that's what they said back at Salt Lake City... let me examine the body to make sure."

Taking the body back to his lab, Doc Rodriguez began an autopsy to determine if cause of death was a spider or not.

Burt was slowly walking through the woods towards that damn mansion. He honestly hated that place, it got worse and worse every time. He had a bad feeling about this place, and the closer he got the worse it was. He thought there was something following him. He spun around, submachine gun up and ready. A small white rabbit stood on its hind legs looking at him, its nose twitching. "Wot the 'ell are you looking at?" The rabbit made a high pitched squeaking sound and it turned and ran away quickly. He chuckled to himself, patting the submachine gun as he placed it at his side. He turned and jumped slightly startled, there was something standing in the window of the now visible mansion. He pulled out his rifle and looked through the scope, whatever he had seen was gone.

   He rushed into the mansion and began searching. Nothing, nothing at all, aside from some footprints, pawprints and something he couldn't identify. He pulled out a phone to call Chuck to give him an update. It didn't pick up, so he left a message. He began to speak, but paused for a moment when he heard an odd scuffling sound. He turned around, and dropped the phone, reaching for his machete. To late. He began to scream.

( Sure, I'm sorry. Most people do that sometimes. I mean, write the other person's dio. I didn't mean to upset you. Won't happen again, I promise. :) )

U.N.S.C. Colorado H.Q.
___

"Ladies! Front and center on the double!"
"F#(%."
"Yes Sir!"

"Hurry up ladies, this ain't no ice cream social."
"Ice cream social?"
"Stop the shitty talk you two...does anyone...want to guess...why I gathered you two here...today...?"
"Is it because I win a contract? And I get a billion dollars?"
"That's exactly it Rymann. Bill Gates called. You won. Turns out you're the best one here. We're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here, IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!!!"
"I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir."
"Goddamnit Rymann! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!"
"Ohho, I'd do it too."
"I know you would Simmons, good man...Couple of things today ladies, we received our first part of the shipment from command. Lopez, bring up the vehicle..." The new 'addition' coasted up the ramp and stopped in front of the three.
"Shotgun."
"Shotgun...F#(%."
"May I introduce, our new light reconnaissance vehicle. It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M-Twelve L-R-V...I like to call it the Warthog."
"Why Warthog sir?"
"Because M-Twelve LRV is to hard to say in conversation, son."
"No but...why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig."
"Say that again?"
"I think it looks more like a Puma."
"What in Sam Hell is a Puma?"
"Uh...you mean like the shoe company?"
"No. Like a Puma. It's a big cat. Like a Lion."
"You're making that up."
"I'm telling you, it's a real animal!"
"Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal."
"Yes sir!"
"Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal...has tusks...?"
"A Walrus."
"Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!"
___

"Whoa? What's that?"
"I dunno. Looks like Sarge ordered a new vehicle."
"What kind is it?"
"...I dunno. I've never seen a car like that before, looks like a...big cat of some kind..."
"...What, like a Puma?"
"Yeah man, there you go."
___

"-so unless anybody has any more mythical creatures to suggest for the name of the new vehicle, we're gonna stick with...the Warthog. How about it Grif?"
"No sir. No more suggestions..."
"Are you sure? How bout Bigfoot?"
"It's okay."
"Unicorn?"
"No really...I'm cool."
"Sasquatch?"
"Leprechaun?"
"Hey, he doesn't need any help, man."
"Phoenix?"
"Oh God..." Rymann sighed as he climbed into the Warthog. Shaking his head, he drove out. Moose City was about 40 miles from the base, he had heard there was work there, and that's where he was going.

Name: Ostla Fulassamee
Gender:Male
Species: Sangheili
Age: Unknown
Occupation: Soldier/Swordsman
Group: COVENANT (Coalition Of Violently Enigmatic Nations Avoiding Needler Taxes)
Weapons: Needler ( http://halo.wikia.com/wiki/Needler ) and the Index, an ancient key, which, when stuck in someone, unlocks their death.
( http://images.wikia.com/halo/images/a/a8/Energy_Sword_Halo3.jpg hilt: http://images.wikia.com/halo/images/6/60/Sword_hilt.jpg )
Appearance:http://www.bungie.net/stats/halo3/screenshot_viewer_popup.aspx?gamertag=Scary%20Goat&ssid=38809390
http://www.bungie.net/stats/halo3/screenshot_viewer_popup.aspx?ssid=38809243

It had taken Neva about 10 minutes to work her way down four flights of stairs and seven corridors before she made it to the side entrance of the mansion. The gun toting oaf was standing outside doing something. Neva just hoped he wasn’t taking a leak.

“Hey you!” She shouted as she pointed an accusing finger at him. He turned to look at her with his guns held high. “Yeah I’m talking to you. You’re destroying God’s creations. How dare you! The tranquillity is broken in this beautiful place.”

Neva didn’t mention the fact that the old mansion was an eyesore that was practically ready to be condemned, she had a point to make. “Now if you want to go shoot something visit a shooting range or better yet the Mayor’s office.”

The large man looked at her dumbfounded. “Now go, before I have to escort you back myself,” Neva told.

A high pitched scream sounded. “Man that noise is getting annoying,” Neva said then blinked, “Was that a scream?”

6 months ago...
"Define the Lazarus Arachnid project?" Zip asked.
"you're asking questions- that few get answers to, in time you will see". the Cardinal responded.
"So you want me to go to this Church in Colorado and oversee this...outreach experiment?" Zip was confused
Cardinal Sinisterplan sat quietly for a second, and leaned towards Zipper "Have faith my Brother"...

Now...
The Cab checked a curb, jerking Padre Malfunction, back to the now. And the "now" was getting worse and worse by the minute.  according to the local am radio-the hills above moose city were crawling with mercenaries it wouldn't be long until they found the compound.
a text message chirped onto his cell.
it was from her...[ im at the mansion, hurry-Lazarus has hit the fan]
...even in this, she had kept her sense of humor,

"Hey Cabbie, Take me up to the summit" Zipper was about to step back into a nightmare and he couldn't be happier-as long as she was there.

Mark Fired his shotgun at the greenish browny insect. It got him by the neck.......

He screamed..........

He stabbed the insect with his long knife. It sqealed and exploded , sending bits of greeny yellowly gunge everywhere!

Mark cursed and headed back to Moose City, to tell the Mayor..........

Well...that was freak'n hilarious

Degredoth was startled by the nun that had come from the decrepid mansion that had appeared from nowhere. It seemed she didnt agree with Deg's destruction of the foliage...

A scream sounded in the distance, Deg would tend to that in a moment.

"FAIR MAIDEN!!! Fear not! For I am Degredoth, Divine Champion and Holy Warrior. I have come to save you from the foul evil that hath taken residence in your peaceful forest! However now it appears a twist of fate is upon us. Whoever uttered the cry for help but a moment ago?" Deg asked the nun with his hand reached out to her very dramatically.

Neva shrugged, "I dunno. I thought I was alone. Well except for the vermin."

Neva's phone churped with a message tone. She immediately reached for it but Degredoth interupted.

"There is no time for such folly, let us go and seek out the one who made such a noise." Degredoth stated.

"They're probably dead, they haven't screamed for a full 20 seconds," Neva replied back Degredoth was already cutting a path through the woods.

Neva crossed herself and followed.

Mark arrived at the Town Hall 37 minutes later....

" Mayor! I have seen a giant greenish brown insect scuttling around everywhere...what should I do. One of them nearly killed me today about 12:34am......"

He reloaded his shotgun....

Deg sweeped through the woods with the ferocity of an insane barbarian warrior. Anything caugth in the way of his oversized machete was instantly vaporized. The air itself seemed to by sliced and diced as Deg would swing a mighty arc with the machete. With each swing he let out a growl or a roar that made a lion's seem like a kitten's...

"Is all this really necessary?" the nun asked Deg, noticing the massive amounts of sap now dripping from the machete and coating Deg's bare chest.

"CERTAINLY! We must make HASTE! For some innocent citizen is in dire need of my assistance!" Deg said without stopping the massacre. The nun was shocked and bewildered at the...craziness...of this man.

"....Who ARE you?" The nun asked unsuspectantly.

Deg stopped moving instantly, but just for a moment. He gripped his machete tight and cleaved a full grown tree beside him with one swing. He dropped the machete and grabbed the falling log. He faced the nun and roared with all his might and snapped the log like it was a pencil.

"FEAR NOT FAIR MAIDEN FOR I AM DEGREDOTH! DIVINE CRUSADER AND HOLY WARRIOR! I HAVE BEEN SENT BY THE GODS THEMSELVES TO RID YOU OF THE DENIZENS THAT INFEST YOUR HUMBLE ABODE! ALL EVIL WILL CRUMBLE AND FALL BENEATH MY MIGHT!"

Deg finished, still in a dramatic stance. The four massive machine guns slung on his shoulder clattered amongst themselves. Dark red sap dripped slowly from his combat helmet. Saliva trickled down the corner of his mouth and chin. The nun stood wide-eyed in disbelief. There was complete silence, all the woodland critters had fled or were silenced my Deg's announcement. Deg said nothing and grabbed his machete. He turned and continued his destructive path through the forest.

The purpleish craft was on fire....in seven different places..It wobbled as it flew, then all of a sudden, disaster struck.  A small bird hit one of the bulbs at the end of the wings. The craft tumbled and a figure jumped from the back as it neared the ground and exploded in an unrealistically large dramatic explosion. A odd hand shot up from a slightly human shaped crater in the ground. Ostla Fulassamee, glorified wielder of the Index dragged himself from the hole in the ground he had made when his ship crashed, and stood, shaking himself off. He looked around, and stretched his mandibles "Wort wort wort!"

( Who's the mayor? Is anyone seeing me or talking to me in the story!!?? :| )

Mark went into the wood again.....

He picked out his knife. It was actually both a knife, AND a throwing knife. He had killed 4 people with it, so it must be good. He took out his pistol, which was in his backpack. He also put some cheap $200 armour on.

It was 4 inches deep. It must be okay for the meantime...............

After analyzing the corpse, Skyler had now found out that cause of death was not only a spider bite, but the spider injected a venom into its victims, which kept their bodies preserved, so the spiders could come back later and eat the body as if they had just died. Now it was his job to find a cure for the venom, but not before figuring out the time it took for a poisoned person to die. This called for science! and he was off to discover.

((Sorry if I'm a little late, this won't last long though :D ))

Character Name: Leeroy James Jenkins
Occupation:  Ninja Puller
WOC: Blackhand Doomsaw
Personality:  Over-cockysuicidalmaniacalidiot
Appearance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N6sqdrJzVo
((Watch this video and you'll be amazed beyond belief))

Jenkins looked around the street of Moose City.  It seemed to be deserted, be that was only to the naked eye.  His cell phone started to ring...
"Hello?"
"Hey man, hows it going?"
"....ok, you?"
"Yeah, uh, me and the guys are planning to attack this giant spider-like thing in the middle of town.... you wanna come?"
"Uh....sure."
He hung up and took a taxi towards the middle of town.  A few minutes later, he arrived at what looked to be a full, 40-man group preparing to raid an immense greenish brown thing with 8 legs.  He walked over to the group just in time to hear.....
" Ok guys, uh this spider has given us a lot of trouble in the past, uh, does does anyone need anything from this guy or can we just by-pass him?"
" Leeroy needs those Devout.....Devout shoulders?"
"Yeah, would probably help out his healing."
" Hey Abdul, could you uh, could you give me a number crunch real quick?"
The man he was talking to pulled out a calculator and started punching in numbers.
"....Yeah, I'm coming up with 32.33....repeating of course, percentage of survival."
"Aw yeah, that a lot better than we usually do..."
Jenkins soon became impatient with the groups bickering, and decided to throw in a little twist to their attack....
" ALRIGHT TIMES UP GUYS, LETS DO THIS..... LLLLEEEEEERRRRRROOOOOYYYYY  JJJJEEEEEENKKKKKKKIIIIINNSSSSSS!!!!!!!!"
And with that, Jenkins hurdled over a badly designed crushed car, and rushed over to the enormous spider being, Blackhand Doomsaw swinging wildly.  He soon heard the rushing of the group someone saying" O-Ok guys! Stick to the plan, stick to the plan!", and kept slashing and thrusting at one of its legs.  It then turned its head and spun a web which hit Leeroy right on, making him explode with really visible fake blood spewing everywhere.....the rest of the group wiped out too.

((Like it?))

Name: Chesty LaRue
Gender: Female
Species: Human
Age: Unknown, on the younger side that’s for sure.
Occupation: Ninja
Group:  KUNG FU (Insert cleaver and witty acronym here)
Weapons: Sword, and concealed Golden Desert Eagle. (http://69.20.170.74/50aeg.jpg)
Appearance: Mid Height, Blond hair, long… is WELL endowed. Is always seen in her combat gear of skimpy tight latex.. Looks very similar to the blonde/redhead on Bleach ...sorta like this: http://bleach.sega.jp/img/enquete/chara_rangiku01.gif or this but with different wordobe: http://www.paran0idandr0id.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/rangiku.jpg

Chesty looked out the window of the plane. She was bored, as usual. There was no one interesting on her flight, only balding, middle aged business men. The type of guys that usually found her to be VERY interesting, but certainly not the other way around. But just then the captain came on the speaker.

“Hello … this is… your… cap..tain.. speaking…”

Chesty wished he would just spit it out already.

“We… are… hav..ing some… some…. Slight…. “ the pilots voiced cracked. “ Um… problems with… our… Engine.” He changed pace again, now to that of a naïve east coaster, very fast. “WewillnowbelandinginMooseCitytomakeemergancyrepairsthankyou.”

Chesty had never heard of the place before. She soon would remember for a long time coming.

((Um Kaster, have you read the other posts? The spiders are mutated with humans so they're not really giant. They're also zombies so there's the typical ways to kill them: decapitation, destruction of the brain, body fully destroyed by fire etc. There's going to be an extra one thrown in but it's secret so far. At the moment the Zombie Spiders are only in the mountains. That will change sooner or later though.))

Neva didn't know what to say but "Psychopath" came to mind. She decided to say a few Hail Mary's under her breath and continue on. The first chance she got to losing Deg the better. Besides she had to contact Lazarus to let him know that things were no longer contained.

At that moment her phone rang with the tune to the Brady Bunch blaring. She blushed as Deg threw a glare at her and she opened her flip phone to answer. She hesitated as she saw that it was Constance that was trying to call again. She couldn't let her sister get involved with the folly so she hung up without answering.

-

Constance growled, "She hung up! So she must be alive."

Chuck shrugged, "Anyone could have her phone, punk, mugger, killer, rap-"

"Okay just shut up, Chuckie." Constance snapped.

Chuck stood to his full height, "Don't call me Chuckie, nobody calls me Chuckie except..."

Flash Back:

The white sand sank between Chuck's toes as he walked hand-in-hand with his beautiful bride, Gertrude. Chuck still couldn't believe that they'd been together for a whole three weeks. It was the longest relationship of his life and he intended to make it as long as possible.

Gertrude smiled up at him with her three good teeth showing. She'd been brawling since she was twelve and that was what appealed to Chuck the most.

That night they'd made love on the beach and planned never to do it again after the sand got into places that sand should just not go.

That night as they'd consumated their marriage Gertrude had called him Chuckie in her passionate cries. But that was before the accident.

Chuck blinked, "There was only one person who called me Chuckie and she was tragically run over by Mr Whippy's ice cream van."

"That's... terrible." Constance replied, not exactly sure if she could be sincere.

"I just can't look at an ice cream without breaking down. Gertrude meant more to me than my ability to conjure up pepperoni pizzas." Chuck said as he looked out the window.

"Er, okay. So how long were you guys together for?" Constance replied feeling very awkward.

"Seven wonderful weeks." Chuck told, "It was the best long term relationship I've ever been in."

"Okay then, I'm going to go look for my sister and leave you to do, ah whatever it is you need to do." Constance told as she hastily made a bee line for the exit.

(( lol sorry, you don't really have to listen to my post.... just wanted to throw that in there is all.... sumthin random?)))

((Not a prob, just thought I'd give you an update))

Sam and Dennis stumbled out of the woods, finally free of the terrors that had been chasing them. The two breathed heavily, hunched over while they tried to regain their composure. The boys had been in the woods digging holes in the dirt to bury their heads when the spiders had found them.

"I told you that Ostriches are the only animals that can hide that way!" Yelled an exausted Dennis as he lay down his shovel.

"Well how was I supposed to know they had super powers that we don't?" Sam replied as he kicked the ground.

Dennis stood straight up and looked around to see that they were on a dark road with no cars or any signs of civilization nearby.

"Great!" he screamed into the night, "Now we're lost too! This is all your..."

His broke off his sentence as he looked to see what Sam was doing. His friend was pushing two fingers into his neck and then releasing them to allow a fountain of blood to spray from his jugular. He repeated this a few times before turning to Dennis and laughing, "Look... I can do the sprinkler!" He turned his body in a jerking motion and pressed and unpressed his wounds.

"WHAT THE HELL!?!" Dennis went pale as he saw e blood flow from his friend. "Did you get bitten by those things!!"

"Calm down you wuss, your just jelous because you know that now I am going to become a superhero, just like how Batman did it."

"First of all I think you mean Spiderman, and second, didn't you notice that the last person they bit in town went all Zombo freak on us!" Dennis began to slowly back away from his long-time friend.

Sam plugged his wounds with two small rocks and wiped the blood from his face. "C'mon, everybody knows that you have to be bitten twice by a zombie in order to die and come back as one of them, and I wouldn't be able to see my reflection in this puddle of blood here"

"Did you just make all of that up, or are you seriously this retarted? I think your brain is already deforming..."

Sam walked over to Dennis and patted him on the back. "Just take it easy man, we got away from those things and we are in the clear now. I already have a plan. You see, tactically these things will be sweeping the woods for food. So all we have to do, is go back to our holes and wait there since they already went through that area. It's like jumping in the crater made by an artillery blast because chances are the next one won't land in the same place."

Dennis thought for a moment about what Sam was saying. He then calmly picked up his shovel and smashed his friend's brains in.

Dennis was soon hit in the foot by a meteor and contracted gangrene. He died.